I seek forgiveness!

Looking over my journal recently I realized that I haven’t really posted here since October. That, my friends, is sad. This must be changed. Following up with my new year’s resolutions, I’m posting once again.

Updates

-School

Not ready to be back yet. I managed to pull off fairly decent, though not entirely satisfactual grades for last term, and I’m both upset and relieved to be done with such. This term I’m taking 18 credit hours (= 6 classes) that I’m pretty sure will keep me rather busy. I start at 8AM and go till 5:15PM with one break in the middle, which may soon be taken up by debate meetings. I’ll say this much for having a small team, it does make scheduling a lot easier. The classes are;

Math-I just hope I survive. I really don’t dislike math, it’s just that I generally don’t understand it, (which is due both to me not taking classes and to having bad teachers when I did take it) and that causes a general aversion towards it. Fortunately, I think this class should be better than previous ones with more dedicated classmates, which will help a bunch.

Biology- Should be tolerable. I was overjoyed today when Aubrey and I met about 10ft from the classroom door and found out we had the same class. It is, as of yet, the only class I have a friend in, though I have a few acquaintances in other classes.

Physical Sciences- I don’t know yet. I’m hoping the teacher proves to be as distractable as he was in class today. On the plus side, he tells jokes whenever he thinks we’re glassing over.

Health- If that woman says "OK?" one more time I’m gona kill her.

Criminal Justice- should be a pretty interesting class, and a good base for lawschool.

English- Thanks to Woolsey, I will be brilliant in this class. It’s a literature class that’s going to be about 1/10th the work and difficulty of lit with her. I’m going to be able to BS my way to an A no problem.

With debate as an extra curricular, I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with it all.

-Work

I am no longer working at Kid’s Korner (thank goodness!) It was a rather bitter end, but I am really glad I quit when I did. I now work at the Costco in Sandy, and I’m very happy with it. The shifts are a little long, with 8 ½ hours being the usual, but they give a bunch of breaks and the pay is better than just about anywhere else. I was working seasonal in the Bakery, but they hired me back and now I work in the Deli MWFS. If you’re in that area on those days feel free to stop by and pay me a visit. The only downside is that I’m working in a cooler, but I’m getting used to it. I’ll most likely be moving to either the AF or Orem Costco as soon as my 90 day probation is up. Which one I do move to largely depends on when I move out, which is scheduled for either this summer or fall depending on how finances and other variables go. I already have a place set up, which would cost me $200 a month in rent and utilities, and is relatively close by school, but I haven’t worked up the nerve to just get up and move yet. I’m rather attached to my free room and board, but gas prices are really driving me crazy (no pun intended).

Christmas break was lovely. I got to see a whole bunch of people I love and miss, though I missed a few others (Jenn, we will so hang out soon, perhaps one day after work when I’m already almost there). Christmas was chaotic as usual, with my extended family partying at my house on Christmas eve, then opening presents and then lazing about the house on Christmas. This year wasn’t as lazy as usual though, as santa brought DDR, but the sight of my dad challenging Thomas-my 4 year old brother-was well worth it. I also got a camera, all the better to show my latest change. 

Yes, it’s red. Really red. Katie Berry dyed it for me the other day and I’m still getting used to it. It’s been a rather fun change though. I think it’s the darkest my hair has ever been.

Yupyupyup.

More later as I think of it.

Mission call

Mike Romney just got his mission call! He's going to Montreal Canada french speaking and is leaving for the MTC on Feb. 14th. Everyone go congratulate him!

I keep having people ask me how I’m doing or how college life is. I usually will answer that everything’s fine, I’m busy as ever, and college life is crazy. In a way, this is a better, or rather, more in depth view of what’s been going on.

Lately I’ve had a real hard time processing what’s going on. I go to work, classes, and other stuff, and I’m in a constant state of exhaustion. I truly feel bad about all of the comments I’ve made in the past ranting about people changing. I now know I have never had the right to judge that, nor will I ever have that right. I’ve done a fair amount of changing over the past little while, particularly over the past few days and I’m still deciding if those changes were for the best.

I really don’t care anymore. I go through the motions, make people believe I care that they have a crush on this guy or mastered a test or have emotional impact on me, but it’s all feeling so superficial. I got my first kiss from a person who has no emotional attachment to me nor I to him, and I have no real emotional response to it. I’m not angry, not happy, not bitter, not anxious. It was a rather momentous occasion, and yet I don’t have enough concern to assign an emotion to it.

I suppose I’ve been spoiled. Growing up I never had a guy treat me like a piece of meat, at least not to where I heard about it. Now, I feel cold and packaged ever so cleanly, so much so that even those apprehensive about killing something feel comfortable using me. Some of you may be shocked to find that I swear more often, almost every bit of which is aimed at myself. I look at my writing, my emotions, my drives, and my actions, and I hate that damn slutty bitch so pathetically stuck in an emo-angst rut.

I’ve moved past the cold stage and straight into the tingling numb of frostbite. Even in social situations such as parties or tournaments I’m surrounded by people, all of them behind a wall that they have no idea is there. I suppose it’s natural, after all, I had many a friend go through the same thing. Does that make it right? Does that excuse me? All the relationships I’ve built up over the years are simply sifting away and I’m not making new friends to replace them, so intent am I on pretending to grab at the fading grains. I have little doubt that there will be shallow, well meant responses to this post. It’s the typical thing to do and I will respond back in kind, telling everyone that I’m fine so we can all go back to our contented worlds, satisfied that we did our bit of charity work for the day. And yet, if I’m really so cynical of the comments and my response, then why didn’t I post it privately?

There was a time when I would cry myself to sleep almost every night just to purge myself of all of the grief going on around me. Now I simply sleep.

Voice Post

Desperate times...

...Call for desperate measures.  In short, I’ve come up with an interesting scheme to earn some extra cash, but I’m lacking a few essential items. Namely:

A black Beret
A small guitar like instrument, such as a banjo or a ukulele(Doesn’t matter if it has strings or not)

if you have any of these items and feel like lending me a hand, I’d be greatly appreciative!

college

Live’s been so crazy over the past few days. Classes and work are keeping me busy. So busy, in fact, that I’m hardly ever home except to eat and sleep, and sometimes not even then. Thursday I was away from home for 7:00AM to 9:30 PM with only a couple of sandwiches and some fruitsnacks. My family was even kind enough to save dinner for me (fortunately for them).
School is...amazing. I’m really enjoying my classes and thriving on the fact that my professors are inclined to treat me as equals, instead of subordinate beings. Most of my classes currently are of the liberal arts variety, which is fun, as most of my teachers are just that; of the liberal, education is what you want it to be, “let’s do something creative and forget grades” variety. Of all of those, my English Professor, Christa Albrecht-Crane is looking like the most such.
First off, the book we were assigned as our textbook is called “everything bad is good for you” by Steven Johnson. Contrary to all my other freaking expensive textbooks ($150+ for 4 books is a crime I swear) this one was less than $15 and honestly, I would read it without an assignment. Johnson’s book is about how things like video games, computers, TV and other such elements of pop culture are, contrary to popular belief, actually making us smarter. His presentation of the subject is freaking brilliant! Honestly it’s a must have book for any WoW addicted teenager.
Thinking of what kind of a teacher would assign such a book for an English class gives you an idea of my professor. To further clarify, she’s in her 30's, has a nose ring, and came to class Thursday wearing jean shorts and a tanktop. After the flack Kami got from the administration at Lone Peak for having a nonvisible tongue ring and daring to want to teach, I can’t imagine how they’d react to her (honestly, I’d pay money to see it).
Anyways, we were in class last Tuesday with the expectation that we would discuss our reading.
Christa stands up in front of class and informs us that instead of just asking each of us to take individual notes, which we wouldn’t, we’d take communal notes. We were each given a paper and told that every time we changed subjects, a new person would take notes on that subject. Kind of weird, but we were willing. The discussion went on. After a few minutes it was clear that I wouldn’t be taking notes that class period, so I did what I typically do when I have a fresh sheet of paper; I started doodling. At the end of class I turned in my paper like everyone else and left the room. As I was getting into my car I realized, Oh crap, I just turned in a page of doodles to my English teacher! Also, considering that they were commentary on the lesson, AND they were on the extra large sheet of paper she’d given us at the beginning of class, she would know, in no uncertain terms, that I had been doodling during our entire discussion. In short ladies and gentlemen, it was the second day of class and my grade was pretty much screwed.
Thursday I go in to class and she has us pick up our notes from last class period. Lo and behold, my sheet of comics is on the top of the pile in front of her. I tried to inconspicuously sneak them from the pile, when she stopped me and said “Did you draw these?” Up until this point I had thought there was some chance that I might be forgiven, after all, they were on the discussion. So much for that. I sheepishly answered “yes” to which she told me that she’d rejoiced at the comics and that she wanted to use them as a demonstration of our first writing project. I was not only allowed to save my comics and my grade, but was encouraged to continue them as my first draft to our assignment.
Additionally this same teacher created her own myspace page in order to get a taste of our written communication outside of a typical format. Now, instead of turning in a reading response at the beginning of class, we can comment on the chapters on her myspace page, as well as have a discussion about it, and receive actual credit for those comments.
I tell you what, if this is college, then I’m going to fit in just fine^^;

ok, last time

Just so's you know, if you've tried to call me on my cell in the past couple of days I did not and will not get the message.  there were some problems with my old cell so I sent it in and got a new one.
Yeah, My cell number changed again unfortunately.  It's now 801-471-8862.  Sorry for the chaos.