Drama

There is a risk in reading this post. I know that in saying that the readership will, if anything, go up, but I have to voice what I feel. I sincerly hope anyone isn't offended. 


I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I just got in contact with my cousin Hannah again. For those of you who don't know, she and I used to be the closest of cousins. We shared eveything from music tastes to secrets and she was there for me in bad times. And yet, even at those times when she was rigidly religious and always perfect, I was unsure what would happen. You know how you can just tell with some people? you know they're going to grow up and be brilliant and happy. They have such confidance in themselves and others and a genuine love of life and you know that however many waves crash over them they'll bob right up to the surface with a grin on their face. I never felt that about Hannah. Despite how much I loved her and despite how much I wished it was true, I never expected that for her. I wish I could say it wasn't so. 
After some major family complications her parents divorced - and not just in a civil "let's just go our separate ways", oh no. They're family was torn apart.  I'm not placing blame for any of it, but it shattered their lives.  My Uncle Rob married a nice girl and they live in this podunkville town, and he seems to be really happy. The rest of the family was not so lucky.  My aunt Rachel, now with custody of the kids (who, excepting the youngest and only boy, ben, refuse to have anything to do with their dad) moved them to Wyoming to be with her family, where she met a trucker and married him. I'd like to say that everything went well, but then, what would be the point of the story? My aunt rachel, her four daughters and one son moved into her new husband's trailer with him, his daughters(I'm not sure how many) and son.  Needless to say they seperated soon after that, except my then 16 year old cousin Naomi, who married her brother in law.  Her birth father didn't hear about the wedding until a week after, due to a casual comment by Ben on one of their visits.  My heart broke for her.
Since that time my contact with their family has been minimal.  It appeared as if they had dropped off the face of the earth.  I would heat brief news about their declineing health, and Hannah's proposed move back to salt lake, but that was about it until now.  Hannah managed to earn enough to buy a laptop and contacted me a few days ago.  My head is now spinning. My Hannah has changed, which I suppose is to be expected.  How could I possibly imagine that she'd remain the sweet innocent girl I once knew.  The one who used to pretend that a flock of faries lived in the bush under our window.  Who thought even the word "crap" was a swear word never to be uttered.  Who used to giggle with me over cute guys we'd seen while walking.  Who used to love reading scriptures with our two families.
That girl has been gone for a while.  I'm still trying to adjust to the new one.  My family, particularly my parents, laugh at her and her family, vindictively saying that they got what they asked for.  They are on the side of my uncle, he being my dad's brother, and care not for the people who hurt him.  And I don't know what I feel.
I suppose I reject the idea of judgement as I don't want to be judged myself.  All those years ago when we were close both of us were so into our faith and our goals, both set, at least in part, by our parent's expectations, we were exactly alike.  What is it that caused such a drastic shift?  Why is it that I can be living in utah, going to church each sunday, still dress modestly, and still believe in God? I'm certainly not the most faithful of members.  I've skipped church for sleep, or debate, or to go visit friends. I pray spuratticly when I can't talk to anyone else, and I don't follow through on callings. 
I'm certainly not more special than she, so why is it that I can know so undegnyably that there is a God? That he loves me?  That I have the ability to love?  That I'm worth more than a one night stand in the back of a pickup?  That no matter what, I know everything will work out for the best?
Strangely, these types of occurances increase as I get older.  I've met, loved, and or understood so many people like Hannah as of late.  People who are wonderful beautiful people who have so much going for them, but are missing something. Hope? Faith? It's almost the quality that makes their soul 3D.  That makes them stand out.  It doesn't seem to matter if you're LDS or not, but just knowing that there is a God alters people in a way that I can't hope to explain.
I'm really getting sick of seeing so many people who are dead to that.  Who live solely in a 2D plane of lust, lazyness, and greed. So many places I go it's like walking among Zombies.  I know that's cliche to an extreme, but there is some truth there. And I don't know what to do now.  Do I continue with my life, dealing with people like my cousin, loving them but shuddering inspite of myself?  Do I alienate them all, distancing myself from them in favor of the memories of childlike innocence?
Where do I go from here?