Friday, December 26, 2003

fAng: I'm going to Disneyland!

Well, I'm going away for a while. My parents informed us Christmas morning that we would be going on a vacation to Disneyland, LA, and Mexico (although not in that order) and I'm still not over the shock of it even though we're leaving tomorrow. We'll be gone until January 4th (probably fairly late) leaving me with no time whatsoever to do my ID's for American Studies(which I haven't even started yet). Hopefully I'll survive through the encounter (8 days with only my family and no way to access the Internet), and live to bring everyone lovely souvenirs for belated Christmas/New years presents.

Well it's getting late and I still have lots more packing to do,
See you all later!
fAng

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Howdy!

Ok, I'm giving myself a nickname! It's mole!!! I acquired this nickname from volleyball and thought if fit the occasion. If you have anything to say about it, please do, if you have any other suggestions as to what my nickname should be, please state it! If not, my name is Mole!

Wow, everyone's life has gotten busy and crazy! Well, can I join the club? Everything seems to be out of control...and that doesn't work very well seeing as how I am a control freak and need to know everything!

Ok, There is a solution to my moving problem. If I happen, by some miracle, to get a lead in the musical, I can stay the rest of the school year. I would probably be staying with Mike Romney! But, that's only if I, unlikely, get a lead in the play!

Well, talk to ya all lata. Luv ya all!

Mole (AKA: Alyssa)

Sunday, December 7, 2003

sad but true, I have no life.

Ok, for starters...ANI, YOU ARE CRAZY!!!!!!! You are a major part of what's kept the "group" together! You have never hurt anyone! Never blackmailed, never done any of those things! And you sqirming secrets out of people, well, secrets have to come out sometime, and inside i'm sure the person you're getting it out of is actually relieved you want to know! Second, You are sooooo talented! You can draw better than me!!! You are a great friend!! and...YOU ARE A GREAT ACTRESS!!!!!!!! I dont know what you are thinking, but you've got the wrong idea! I LOVE YOU, ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT!!!

next, if anyone feels like their less involved in the "group" it's me. Ok, you all went to HIGH SCHOOL!! I'm still at the Jr. High! I hardly talk to any of you, and you are all better than me at acting, drawing, talking, vocabulary, school, friendship, I could go on, but it's just self degrating. I love you all, but life isn't the same, we all need to realize change happens, and whether it's for the worst of the better, we still need to be honest! If your opinion changes about someone, tell them. Trust me, they want to know!

Thirdly, well, as for my life...I dont' know what purpose it serves. The one person I like, in over 6 months, tells me he likes me, and then tells me he doesn't! But that's ok! I got way in over my head...if it weren't for you Ani, I don't know where I'd be. Talking to you gave me some insight! Made me think about it, and you gave me the guts to ask if he really did! Guess what his answer was...no. He is head over heals for this other girl....nevermind, i'll stop talking about that!

And as for now, I'm leaving you. I'm going to go up to my room, cry my eyes out, and either write a poem, which i haven't done in forever, and seem to not be able to do, or i'm going to sleep.

bye

fang: I don't know why I even bother

I'm not really in a very good mood right now. I don't know wether it's from a lack of sleep or an overabundance of paint fumes (I'm getting really sick of all of this housework). My brain is so muddled right now that I have no idea what to do and am sure that more that half of this will be unrelated to the other and only understood by me (if that) So therefore I am going to use up this perfectly good space and get all of my rants and laments out in the open.

*sighs*

Item one.
Over the past few months (pretty much since school started) I've noticed how everyone seems to be changing. I don't know wether it's just that most of us are in high school now or what, but there has been a drastic change in the group we had. I'm not excluding myself from that, I too seem to have been caught up in the "high school mentality" and to be honest it scares me to death. I'm so scared of losing all of you. I probably just being an over dramatic prat and a chronic worry wart but I don't want things to change. Over the past few months I've been so caught up in schoolwork, housework, babysitting, debate, etc. that I feel as though, during my absence, everyone was handed out a new script or set of instructions of what to do know that the school year has begun, and I missed out on it. Everything from the "pairing off", to different clubs, to actually being able to get together on a regular basis. I'm missing it.
I love all of you so much and desperately want to be around you, but at this point I don't think I'm worthy of it. I've singlehandedly stabbed all of you in the back (through my actions and "advice") and some of you don't even realize that I've done so. I'm a childish brat with no respect for anyone's feelings but my own, I probe secrets from all of you and take fiendish delight in either revealing those secrets to others to meet my needs, or getting mad that they've been told to people other than me. I expect to be told everything about your relationships and yet somehow manage not to reveal anything about my own unless it served my purposes. I can be bought by bribery and have blackmailed all of you with something. I know I've hurt every one of you and have rejoiced at your suffering because I've gotten what I wanted out of the process.

Item two.
Over the past little while I've done quite a bit of philosophizing. Most of it has been how everyone seems so different but I have also learned a lot about myself. Needless to say I am not happy with most of what I've realized. I think I'm beginning to understand why I don't feel so much a part of any group right now. It's due to the simple fact that I haven't grown up yet. I'm just waiting till all of the people I've become acquainted with this year suddenly realize that I'm not worth their time or friendship. Truth is they would be absolutely right. I have no talent in any of the areas I used to be talented in. I didn't try out for any of the plays and will probably not try out for the musical because I know I'll never get in. I've gone into a total slump in drama and am forgetting what it was like to really act. I want to get out and have someone give me a chance to prove myself against all the other wanabes who are ten-thousand times better than me.
I had more that I wanted to say but this is just dragging on and as no one will even read this I'm ending it now.


Fang

Friday, December 5, 2003

Still Need a Nick-Name : Here I am again!

Well, I've decided I don't like being almost by myself, without contact with a lot of you, in a cruel world! I've also determined my usual state of mind...Confused! LIFE IS CONFUSING!!!

Anywho, these past few days have had their ups and downs. Nothing really note worth, but I just wanted to write!

*deep sigh* I think (new development) that I like someone! (again, new development!) I'm not sure, but I might!

School is hard! No, hard isn't the right word...painfully long and cruel and unusual punishment! I don't hate it though, just despise it with a passion! I, luckily, am getting good grades fortunately! That makes it a little better!

IT'S FINALLY THE WEEKEND!!! I actually get to sleep in! Wow, that's a first!

I miss you guys terribly! Life is just not the same without all of you. Hope to talk to you all soon. Best wishes, and may you have peace, joy, and love!

Peace out! -Alyssa

Monday, December 1, 2003

Hi!! I finally figured it out!!

Hello everyone!! I finally figured it out! I'm so happy! It's good to finally get to be tapped into everyones lives, atleast a little bit! How is everyone? How is high school??

As for me, well, I get by. Life is pretty stressful, but it's no big deal. For recent news, I am most likely moving in March, if not sooner. We have to wait for my step dad to take his licensing exam, (he is psycologist)and then we will see where we are from there. But yeah, other than that life is good. You guys should call me sometime!!! Or maybe....I'll call you!!!!!!!! Well, I hope life is good, I will be writing more, I hope, if you guys don't mind. And Aubrey, I want a nick name!!!! PLEASE??? It would make my day! Well, luv ya all, talk to ya soon. Peace out!

Alyssa