It's funny how life sneaks up on you sometimes.
I'm feeling...mixed.

I finally have a job that I actually enjoy for the most part.  I work for bluehost, same place as Marianne and my future mother in law.  It's all computer stuff and I am so much a minority gender-wise, but I enjoy it.   The power thrill I get when I can magically fix a customer's problems...it's the only reason why I still keep coming back.  I'm not fully versed in everything, but it's nice to have a job that requires more skill than making sandwiches.  Plus, I'm making a heck of a lot more than I was with Costco.

Alan and I went and got pre-approved for a house the other day.  I tell you what, it freaks me out that I actually qualify to own a home at my age.  That's something that's always been such a far off ideal "I'm not old enough to be that stable, are you kidding?"  Yet it's happening. 

It's just one of the things that freak me out about getting married.  I'm not having any doubts about Alan, I know I'm young but I know this is the next step for me.  It's just the idea of doing scary grownup things - financing a house and getting us both through college and starting a family - is just that, scary.  I never thought this would be me.  I never seriously dated anyone in highschool, for heaven's sake I didn't get my first kiss until I was almost 19, and now, less than two years later I'm engaged.  *chuckles* to top it all off I'm marrying one of my friends brothers, which is turning out to be a huge benefit, but is still very weird.

Alan and I have been engaged for 5 1/2 months now, and our wedding is two months (66 days) away.  I'm so incredibly excited, and honestly it won't change things between us all that much.  I just want to be able to relax with him more.

I also didn't think I would feel this lonely.  I gained a best friend who is constantly there for me, but I miss all of my old friends.  I pretty much dropped off the face of the earth into married people land, and yet it's way hard to find friends there that Alan and I are both compatible with.  It might be easier if we were married and had kids, but now we're in a state where it's hard to make friends and hard to keep the ones  we have.   I miss everybody, with a few in particular.  I don't want to lose the only thing that has kept me sane for the past few years. *Sigh*

Oh, and we took our engagement photos.
http://www.blphoto.com
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