. . .

I feel like someone I really really cared about just stabbed me in the back with a poison filled needle. I just found out that one of my friends seems to have a rather low opinion of my family and parents, particularly in the way they've raised me, as well as a low opinion of me in general. And they you know what? it hurts even more that they couldn't say it to my face.

In pursuit of power; A guide to teenage torture devices

I finally finished my OP for Gardner. It somewhat amuses me so here it is.

We all know that Parents, in their endless pursuit for control over their children, discover the things that their children like or dislike the most, then use that information to their advantage. For example, when was the last time that your mom or dad told you that you had to finish your dessert before you could have more vegetables? Or that you couldn’t clean your room until you had gone to a movie with your friends? I personally have never heard such statements come out of my parent’s mouths and don’t expect to any time soon. The reason being that parents use their children’s likes and dislikes to torture them.
Throughout history various methods of torture have been established to fit the needs of the day. People have used everything from boiling in hot oil, to burning at the stake, as a means to provoke obedience and submissiveness in those lower than they in the social hierarchy. As society has advanced, however, parents across the United States have found a more subtle form of torture. Computer deprivation.
The influence of this discovery has been felt in my own life, as well as the lives of numerous friends and acquaintances. To my parent’s credit it is the most effective way to bring me to my knees, begging forgiveness. Lock me in my room? No biggie. I have enough food and entertainment materials, including my laptop, in there to last me till the cows come home. Ground me? Piece of cake. On my computer at home I have 3 different kinds of IM and spend as much time chatting with my friends as I do talking with them. But ground me from my computer and I can guarantee that within 3 hours I’ll be nothing but a whimpering pile of subservient goo.
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t spend every single moment of my daily life on the computer, though you may not be able to tell due to my obvious lack of a tan. I do in fact enjoy doing stuff outside but due to the frigid nature of Utah County at this time of year, moments are few that I’m willing to sacrifice my appendages to frostbite for the sake of a deep breath of fresh air.
Therefore the source of my trouble lies not with my computer attachment, but rather, with my parent’s knowledge of it. Who knows, with a little luck and a bit of acting skill, I may decide to suddenly become addicted to cleaning, in the hope that my parents would seize the opportunity and restrict me from doing so in future punishments rather than taking my computer away.

tell me what you think of it.

Keep the Key


No one will ever know
the secrets of my soul.
Like the calm crying
of the wind on a
Fall morning’s night.

The bells of the town in the distance,
behind you,
Portraying the everlasting hour.

Walking down the long corridor,
Recalling past events,
Dwelling on regrets and pain.

The sting of it only now an imprint
that is hidden beneath a mask of joy.
Convincing myself that the
state of being called love has not
been bestowed upon me;
Though I know better than to deny it,
for it’s power is sacred.

Each step vibrating within the depths of my soul,
compelling me to go forward in the night.
The once so constant paranoia has now been
replaced with comfort,
for fear is no longer dreaded.

Again I waver,
staggering for the moment
when life takes its devastating blow.

Waiting. That is what composes my life,
the music always to be played.
Changes in tempo and dynamic,
the melody remaining the same.

Darkness. Cold. Hate.
No.
Live as though you were to die tomorrow.

I contain so much inexpressible love
to and for so many people.
They will never comprehend it.
Regardless, it’s there.

The secrets of life,
locked away until death.
Confusing the masses with its mystery.

They may be secrets,
guarded by a lock,
but love is the key,
and honestly living that key
is the secret.

Christmas is in : 19 Days, and counting!

Remember, he's watching!

I've also discovered that I have 83 People on my chatting buddy list and 59 online comics that I check daily.
...
I think I need to go outside more often.

Yeah, so I've been sick since last wednesday.

-I'm bored.
+I watched TV a couple nights ago for the first time in forever, which was very relaxing.
-I missed a tournament on Friday due to my sickness.
-I also missed a party on saturday because I thought I was well enough to go to the Debate tournament.
-I also missed a Christmas party.
+I make some dang good Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup.
-My siblings agreed with me on that point and kept eating it all, leaving none for the sick people in my house.
+I think I've spent as much time asleep the past few days as I've spent awake.
-I haven't done any of the homework I need to makeup for the classes I missed.
-Sick=not feeling very good.
-I lost my voice this morning and when I try to shout it turns into this weird screechy shriek.
-Shelli and I were too sick to go to church this morning.
+I'm planning on watching much TV to make up for it.

yeah... Sick = -+

I hate halloween. I mean candy is nice and fun and wonderful and all but not when there is so much of it at my house. I've been living on pretty much straight sugar for the past couple of days an it's frying my brain (although that could also be due to the fact that I am the biggest procrastinator in the world and am burning myself out trying to keep everything in my life balanced but ya know, minor detail).
yeah
off to do more homework I go.

bleh sugar.