Well after looking at everyone's journals and seeing what a mess I've created with my entry about the draft I felt that I needed to at least take some part in the discussion (and hopefully stop it in it's tracks).
(BTW this started out as a comment to one of my friends entries but soon got too extreme for me to post it as a comment)
First off I was the one who posted the stuff on the draft in the first place and I am in no way a "flamin' liberal" but I am very much "freaking out" about this whole draft thing. When I posted the stuff about it on my livejournal I never meant for it to go this far or get everyone so riled up about it, although it's probably for the best that it did. It's a good chance for everyone to get their opinions out. Now for mine
Since the start of this whole "war", one of my greatest fears has been the possibility of a draft, the possibility that many of my good friends, young as they may seem to me, might be called to go and serve in active military duty. It scares me to death to realize that with this rumored draft, not only will all of my male friends be required to serve, but my female friends as well. That just about everyone at my high school will be forced to go off to war, leaving behind any hopes they have for a good future, good education, or a family of their own complete with children who actually recognize their parents when they see them for the first time in a while.
I know what it's like to have a family member in the military. My dad served in the Army/Air force for 13 years and had been in the service since before I was even born. He is also a veteran of the Gulf war and, during his time in the military, had been away from my family a lot, often for months at a time. I know what it's like to barely recognize a family member after they've been gone for a long time, and yet through all of that I never once heard him complain about the country he was serving.
one thing that I want everyone to realize is that I support this country and her leaders wholeheartedly. I think the whole anti-bush propaganda scheme is ridiculous and get very upset when I see someone discredit America or the flag or the blood sacrifice of every American soldier who has fought to make America the country it is today. Truth be told I would willingly go into war and fight for that belief, but what gets to me about this whole draft thing is the absence of choice. Call me selfish or proud or whatever you like, but if I'm going to go fight for my country I want to be able to say that I'm fighting because I love my country, instead of fighting with the resentment that my leaders forced me to fight. I would never want anyone to even consider that I might possibly not care about the sacrifice it took and still takes to keep America free. As much as I hate all of the crap that people have been throwing at Bush, it's incredible to me to think that all those people have the power to do so and probably don't even fully realize and value it. This countries power to voice it's opinions of it's leaders is just one of the freedoms that has been paid for in innocent blood. If we as the people of America cease to realize that sacrifice, if we discredit the price of freedom, then we cease to be free. Without the understanding of that price, there is no value of freedom and no loyalty to keep this country intact. At this point I don't care what excuses anyone has for being unpatriotic or for discrediting America and her leaders. President Bush is only a man, a citizen of America just like any one of us. How stupid is it of us to elect a man or woman as our president and then expect them to be a flawless all-knowing all-seeing being, free from the imperfections of humanity?!? How can we possibly claim to be a country "by the people and for the people" if we expect our leaders to be above humanity? I don't know about any of you but I personally could never have done as good a job leading this country as he could. Quite honestly don't even want to try. President Bush has the fate of America riding on his shoulders and the media has full power to rip him to shreds. All the stuff about the draft is just another attempt to discredit, not only the president, but the blood sacrifice of millions of Americans to keep this country free.
I don't care what anyone else thinks at this point, but if this draft does come to pass so be it, Someone needs to fight for the freedom of this country, someone needs to show the world that America can and will stand on the hard fought for ground on which it resides, and fight with gratitude in their hearts for a country that has given them so much, rather than sit back and expect more people to sacrifice for the freedom that so many people have come to place little value on. Someone needs to do so and if there's a need for me, I would willingly be one of them.
Monday, May 31, 2004
Friday, May 28, 2004
| S | Sappy |
| U | Unnatural |
| F | Furious |
| F | Furious |
| R | Rich |
| I | Ideal |
| N | Naive |
| S | Smart |
| U | Unforgettable |
| C | Casual |
| A | Appealing |
| T | Technological |
| A | Altruistic |
| S | Sophisticated |
| H | Helpful |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
I couldn't help myself
Thursday, May 27, 2004
O_O
"$28 million has been added to the 2004 Selective Service System (SSS) budget to prepare for a military draft that could start as early as June 15, 2005."
"...provide for the common defense by requiring that all young persons [age 18--26] in the United States, including women, perform a period of military service or a period of civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, and for other purposes."
"Dodging the draft will be more difficult than those from the Vietnam era. College and Canada will not be options."
"This plan, among other things, eliminates higher education as a shelter and includes women in the draft. "
Somebody pinch me. This can't be happening so it must be a dream. I know it sound melodramatic of me but please somebody tell me it's just a bad dream.
This is so awkward
I feel very strange. I've spent the last couple of hours on the internet and I feel guilty for doing so as I haven't done any homework. The thing is I don't have any homework. *sighs* It's going to be interesting when my mind realizes that I have no more school.
hmm...
yeah
hmm...
yeah
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Life explained
My mom sent me this forward last night and it was so beautiful that I had to put it here.
In the beginning, God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I 'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.
Then God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).
Then God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.
Then God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years" No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back, that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained.
It makes me happy ^^;
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Roadtrip!
Short version:
We left Sunday morning and drove all the way to Disneyland. All I can say about that was if we didn't have the TV in the car I would have died. On Monday we actually went to the park and went on every ride we possibly could until the park closed, including the new tower of terror ride they put in (fun fun ride) and going to see their musical performance of Aladdin which was incredible. My new goal in life is to act on a stage as good as that one. The effects were awesome and the actors were good except for Aladdin and Jasmin not looking like they were supposed to( jasmine looked Chinese and Aladdin didn't fit his character), and they even rigged up a magic carpet from the ceiling right above the audience which made an awesome special effect. From the first scene I was longing to go backstage, let alone work back there. *sighs* yeah, anyways. . .
The rest of the week went pretty much the same way until Thursday, when we went to the beach with my Grandpa who lives just across the Mexico border. It was there that I discovered that I am in no way a California beach beauty. I have no idea how to surf, I'm fish-belly white (which soon changed to lobster red as I didn't put enough sun screen on) and I was surrounded by my younger siblings, so, rather than let that get to me, I built sand castles with Thomas, Miri, Samuel, Kyli and Daniel, went body surfing with Shelli and Kaiti (annoying all of the actual surfers in the process ^^;), saved Joseph from drowning as he tried to body surf as well, helped Miri and Kyli gather seashells (some with their occupants still attached), told Kaiti to put down the jellyfish that she had found before it bit her, fell asleep in the sun (which is the reason for my sunburn) tried to get all of the sand off of myself using the only shower available (which was in full sight of the freeway) and generally acted like a 5 year old for most of the day. ^^;
On Friday we went back to Disneyland and watched the Snow White musical they were putting on in their outdoor theater (which was another really nice theater). It wasn't near as good as the Aladdin one but still much better than plays I've seen elsewhere. We also watched a parade and I felt like we were part of it as most of the days we were at Disneyland my entire family was wearing matching shirts that my mom had made specifically for our family outings. It got pretty tiring listening to people ask my parents if all of these kids belonged to them, and hearing my dad respond "yeah, unless we lost a few of them" at which point he would go on to explain the Anti-Separation properties of matching shirts. We also got called everything from the Brady Bunch to the Vontrap family, which was kind of odd as both families have less kids than my family does, and had people continually point at us and count the number of matching shirts (I never thought that counting to 11 would be so hard for some people).
On Saturday we packed up our stuff and went down to Mexico to meet my Grandpa at his house so that we could spend the day together. We also found out that we were going to be going down to a water park in Tiaguana to celebrate my soon to be Aunt's 10th birthday. My siblings and I had known that my grandpa is getting re-married to a lady named Maggie, whom he had met in Mexico, but up until this point I had no idea she had any kids, but apparently she has 4 children ranging from the ages of about 8-14. After driving around the bumpy, heavily populated streets of tiawana for about an hour, My grandpa finally lead us down a small dirt road that he claimed would lead us to the water park. After driving down this road for about 5 minutes we find the road leads straight into a pool of water complete with garbage from the dump that was on our right, several rubber tires, and a couple of bony dogs prowling around the edge. It would have come as no surprise to me if this pool of water was the water park, and the tires were supposed to be the flotation devices (after all it was Mexico) but fortunately after driving through the water, the road on the other side did lead us to the actual water park. We then got out, put on our suits and joined my grandpa underneath a pavilion (complete with a palm thatched roof) where we were told to go ahead and swim until it was time to cut the cake. To top it all off we were the only Caucasians in the park and my mother had told us beforehand that we might be considered "fresh meat" to all of the Mexican boys at the park. Shelli and I thought she was only joking but were still slightly hesitant about going swimming as in Mexico the only purified water is for drinking and we knew the pool therefore wouldn't be. We finally consented and went down some of the slides (which are a lot faster than the ones we have here) only to discover that my mom was right and we had almost every guy in the park from the ages of 8-25 following us. One of the most avid of our followers was a little boy about ten years old, who had been following us acting as an interpreter, as the only one in my family who speaks Spanish is my dad, and very few people in the park spoke English. During the time we were swimming my mom asked Shelli and I to go out to the car to get something. We then headed out to the car only to be scared half out of out whits as the guy who was watching the parking lot had stationed himself right in-between our car and the next one (I though Shelli was going to have a heart attack After we'd had enough swimming, Shelli and I went over to where they were about ready to break open a couple of pinatas stuffed with Mexican candy. After both pinata were broken, Daniel came up to me and gave me a piece of candy, which I obligingly ate without looking at the label as I couldn't understand it. After popping it into my mouth I discovered that it was a strawberry candy covered in pepper powder. After swallowing it as soon as I could, I went over to my dad and showed him the wrapper of the candy only to learn the Spanish word for hot, while my mom had a good laugh when I told her the candy was covered in peppers. I was also told by my dad that Mexicans use spice on their candy just like we make our candy sour. So needless to say now I have a bunch of Mexican candy sitting by my computer uneaten. After the pinata episode we cut the cake, had presents and then left with a hearty "Adios amigos!" to all of the people at the party.
That's what I have typed up so far, I'll finish the rest later.
We left Sunday morning and drove all the way to Disneyland. All I can say about that was if we didn't have the TV in the car I would have died. On Monday we actually went to the park and went on every ride we possibly could until the park closed, including the new tower of terror ride they put in (fun fun ride) and going to see their musical performance of Aladdin which was incredible. My new goal in life is to act on a stage as good as that one. The effects were awesome and the actors were good except for Aladdin and Jasmin not looking like they were supposed to( jasmine looked Chinese and Aladdin didn't fit his character), and they even rigged up a magic carpet from the ceiling right above the audience which made an awesome special effect. From the first scene I was longing to go backstage, let alone work back there. *sighs* yeah, anyways. . .
The rest of the week went pretty much the same way until Thursday, when we went to the beach with my Grandpa who lives just across the Mexico border. It was there that I discovered that I am in no way a California beach beauty. I have no idea how to surf, I'm fish-belly white (which soon changed to lobster red as I didn't put enough sun screen on) and I was surrounded by my younger siblings, so, rather than let that get to me, I built sand castles with Thomas, Miri, Samuel, Kyli and Daniel, went body surfing with Shelli and Kaiti (annoying all of the actual surfers in the process ^^;), saved Joseph from drowning as he tried to body surf as well, helped Miri and Kyli gather seashells (some with their occupants still attached), told Kaiti to put down the jellyfish that she had found before it bit her, fell asleep in the sun (which is the reason for my sunburn) tried to get all of the sand off of myself using the only shower available (which was in full sight of the freeway) and generally acted like a 5 year old for most of the day. ^^;
On Friday we went back to Disneyland and watched the Snow White musical they were putting on in their outdoor theater (which was another really nice theater). It wasn't near as good as the Aladdin one but still much better than plays I've seen elsewhere. We also watched a parade and I felt like we were part of it as most of the days we were at Disneyland my entire family was wearing matching shirts that my mom had made specifically for our family outings. It got pretty tiring listening to people ask my parents if all of these kids belonged to them, and hearing my dad respond "yeah, unless we lost a few of them" at which point he would go on to explain the Anti-Separation properties of matching shirts. We also got called everything from the Brady Bunch to the Vontrap family, which was kind of odd as both families have less kids than my family does, and had people continually point at us and count the number of matching shirts (I never thought that counting to 11 would be so hard for some people).
On Saturday we packed up our stuff and went down to Mexico to meet my Grandpa at his house so that we could spend the day together. We also found out that we were going to be going down to a water park in Tiaguana to celebrate my soon to be Aunt's 10th birthday. My siblings and I had known that my grandpa is getting re-married to a lady named Maggie, whom he had met in Mexico, but up until this point I had no idea she had any kids, but apparently she has 4 children ranging from the ages of about 8-14. After driving around the bumpy, heavily populated streets of tiawana for about an hour, My grandpa finally lead us down a small dirt road that he claimed would lead us to the water park. After driving down this road for about 5 minutes we find the road leads straight into a pool of water complete with garbage from the dump that was on our right, several rubber tires, and a couple of bony dogs prowling around the edge. It would have come as no surprise to me if this pool of water was the water park, and the tires were supposed to be the flotation devices (after all it was Mexico) but fortunately after driving through the water, the road on the other side did lead us to the actual water park. We then got out, put on our suits and joined my grandpa underneath a pavilion (complete with a palm thatched roof) where we were told to go ahead and swim until it was time to cut the cake. To top it all off we were the only Caucasians in the park and my mother had told us beforehand that we might be considered "fresh meat" to all of the Mexican boys at the park. Shelli and I thought she was only joking but were still slightly hesitant about going swimming as in Mexico the only purified water is for drinking and we knew the pool therefore wouldn't be. We finally consented and went down some of the slides (which are a lot faster than the ones we have here) only to discover that my mom was right and we had almost every guy in the park from the ages of 8-25 following us. One of the most avid of our followers was a little boy about ten years old, who had been following us acting as an interpreter, as the only one in my family who speaks Spanish is my dad, and very few people in the park spoke English. During the time we were swimming my mom asked Shelli and I to go out to the car to get something. We then headed out to the car only to be scared half out of out whits as the guy who was watching the parking lot had stationed himself right in-between our car and the next one (I though Shelli was going to have a heart attack After we'd had enough swimming, Shelli and I went over to where they were about ready to break open a couple of pinatas stuffed with Mexican candy. After both pinata were broken, Daniel came up to me and gave me a piece of candy, which I obligingly ate without looking at the label as I couldn't understand it. After popping it into my mouth I discovered that it was a strawberry candy covered in pepper powder. After swallowing it as soon as I could, I went over to my dad and showed him the wrapper of the candy only to learn the Spanish word for hot, while my mom had a good laugh when I told her the candy was covered in peppers. I was also told by my dad that Mexicans use spice on their candy just like we make our candy sour. So needless to say now I have a bunch of Mexican candy sitting by my computer uneaten. After the pinata episode we cut the cake, had presents and then left with a hearty "Adios amigos!" to all of the people at the party.
That's what I have typed up so far, I'll finish the rest later.
w00t for pictures!
I finally put some pictures on my journal!*insert much happiness and glee* It feels so weird to be doing something other than homework (even though I should be doing it right now).
Plus I don't feel tired for some odd strange reason and my sister actually babysitted for me today. I can't wait for summer but as much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to miss school. I really don't want to loose contact with any of my friends this summer and I hopefully should have more free time then I did last summer. My mom quit her job at the hospital and therefore should be home a lot more than she was last summer. My only time constraints are going to be on-line classes and a summer job. At this point it looks like that job is going to be hosting a daycare (yay...)although I'm trying to find somewhere that's hiring and has pretty good pay instead(if anyone has any ideas please tell me).
I have a strange feeling that my head is about to explode.
Plus I don't feel tired for some odd strange reason and my sister actually babysitted for me today. I can't wait for summer but as much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to miss school. I really don't want to loose contact with any of my friends this summer and I hopefully should have more free time then I did last summer. My mom quit her job at the hospital and therefore should be home a lot more than she was last summer. My only time constraints are going to be on-line classes and a summer job. At this point it looks like that job is going to be hosting a daycare (yay...)although I'm trying to find somewhere that's hiring and has pretty good pay instead(if anyone has any ideas please tell me).
I have a strange feeling that my head is about to explode.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Quiz I took.
My inner child is ten years old!
The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
W00t, ten, y0.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Lucy! I'm home!
Yup. I'm back. I've decided that mexico hates me with a vengeance, which is why I'm going to go sleep off the cold I've received. I'll type up an entry about the trip later but right now I'm going to bed.
Monday, May 17, 2004
Tuesday, May 4, 2004
I really really don't like myself at the moment.
*Excerpt from a journal entry I wrote in my offline journal on Sunday. Needless to say since I wrote it in My journal I wasn't planning on putting it here but since I have nothing else to do I might as well add it. Also please forgive the teenage angst, (I usually don't rant about this type of thing) ,as well as my blatantly obvious religious references.*
Guess what! Friday was Prom! Guess what again! I didn't get asked. Big surprise. I've been 16 now for almost 7 months now and have been on one date. Even better, that one date was to Preference and I was the one who did the asking and the guy I went with probably never would have asked me to a dance anyway. The funny thing is that I have no shortage of guyfriends who are not "going out" with anyone at this point and therefore would be able to ask me out, but it still hasn't happened yet, and you know why? Because going on a date with me would simply be "too weird" because all of them tend to see me as their "little sister" and therefore not female. When I turned 16 I even jokingly hired all of my guyfriends to be my "big brothers", meaning that if any guy breaks my heart they have an obligation to teach him a lesson. The only problem with that plan however is that they will never get the chance to, as I'm never going to be in that position in the first place. I'm not and never will be the "most popular girl in school" as I tend not to wear makeup or act boy crazy all the time, and I don't want to be. I can't help the way I feel, Every time I've had a crush on someone it makes things suddenly awkward between the two of us. Is it a crime not to want to be so obsessed with someone that I follow them around like a mindless puppy, with no intelligent thought going through my head as it's so consumed by images of "the one". Is it selfish of me to never want to be in a position where I like someone who can't stand being around me? I especially don't want my affections for someone to annoy him.
*sighs*
It really doesn't matter much though. I'm never going to go out with someone, I'm never going to get proposed to, I'm never going to find "the one", I'm never going to get married, I'm never going to have a family of my own and never going to have a "happily ever after" so why bother trying? On Wednesday we played "the game of life" for Mutual. We were supposed to get there, find our partner and continue on our merry way through the stations they had set up. My only problem was that, though I was the second person there, my partner (who was supposed to be the second guy there) seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. While the other happy couples (including several of my friends) wandered off to start their new lives together, I searched in vain for my partner until I was told to just continue the game alone. Naturally I did so and spent the game wandering around on my own. Along the way I got my education and was the 2nd person to get my PHD after Shambray (who I'd dragged along with me to the activity),earned quite a bit of money, paid my tithing, got a temple recommend, went on a mission and was generally very successful and Molly Mormon-ish, that is until I died. At that point everyone went to "heaven" where they separated us up into married and unmarried people. Of the very few unmarried people there, Shambray and I were among them (her husband claimed that he was going on a mission and never returned). Reflecting on the activity later didn't much improve my mood. All it did was give me the realization that that's probably how my life is going to turn out. I'm going to spend quite a bit of my life looking for that special someone, knowing he's out there somewhere and yet not knowing why he's not looking for me too. I'll end up going to college and earning high honors there, then after I will be highly successful in any job I choose. Yet, through it all I'm going to wonder what's wrong with me and ponder on why I haven't gotten married yet. Did "the one" actually meet me and decide I wasn't pretty or popular or docile enough for him? What could I have done better? Even if I was the most famous or most wealthy person on earth it won't matter in the eternal scheme of things, and any joy or gratification I receive will be small in comparison to what I could have as a wife or mother. Today I was sleeping on the couch and had this really weird dream, in which my dad said that I would "Raise a child". He really seemed to be sincere and I want to believe it but I can't totally allow myself to ( during this dream my dad also told Shelli that she was going to become a soda addict, so I do have quite a bit of doubt to the dream's validity). I wish I knew for sure if anyone even considered me to be dating material. Knowing me however I would probably be the only girl in the history of the universe to go to BYU and not come away with my M.R.M. (Mrs. Returned Missionary) Degree. It's partially for that reason that I'm not really considering going to BYU. *sighs*
That's pretty much all I wrote before I decided that if I continued much longer I'd be verging on suicidal.
I hate myself.
Guess what! Friday was Prom! Guess what again! I didn't get asked. Big surprise. I've been 16 now for almost 7 months now and have been on one date. Even better, that one date was to Preference and I was the one who did the asking and the guy I went with probably never would have asked me to a dance anyway. The funny thing is that I have no shortage of guyfriends who are not "going out" with anyone at this point and therefore would be able to ask me out, but it still hasn't happened yet, and you know why? Because going on a date with me would simply be "too weird" because all of them tend to see me as their "little sister" and therefore not female. When I turned 16 I even jokingly hired all of my guyfriends to be my "big brothers", meaning that if any guy breaks my heart they have an obligation to teach him a lesson. The only problem with that plan however is that they will never get the chance to, as I'm never going to be in that position in the first place. I'm not and never will be the "most popular girl in school" as I tend not to wear makeup or act boy crazy all the time, and I don't want to be. I can't help the way I feel, Every time I've had a crush on someone it makes things suddenly awkward between the two of us. Is it a crime not to want to be so obsessed with someone that I follow them around like a mindless puppy, with no intelligent thought going through my head as it's so consumed by images of "the one". Is it selfish of me to never want to be in a position where I like someone who can't stand being around me? I especially don't want my affections for someone to annoy him.
*sighs*
It really doesn't matter much though. I'm never going to go out with someone, I'm never going to get proposed to, I'm never going to find "the one", I'm never going to get married, I'm never going to have a family of my own and never going to have a "happily ever after" so why bother trying? On Wednesday we played "the game of life" for Mutual. We were supposed to get there, find our partner and continue on our merry way through the stations they had set up. My only problem was that, though I was the second person there, my partner (who was supposed to be the second guy there) seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. While the other happy couples (including several of my friends) wandered off to start their new lives together, I searched in vain for my partner until I was told to just continue the game alone. Naturally I did so and spent the game wandering around on my own. Along the way I got my education and was the 2nd person to get my PHD after Shambray (who I'd dragged along with me to the activity),earned quite a bit of money, paid my tithing, got a temple recommend, went on a mission and was generally very successful and Molly Mormon-ish, that is until I died. At that point everyone went to "heaven" where they separated us up into married and unmarried people. Of the very few unmarried people there, Shambray and I were among them (her husband claimed that he was going on a mission and never returned). Reflecting on the activity later didn't much improve my mood. All it did was give me the realization that that's probably how my life is going to turn out. I'm going to spend quite a bit of my life looking for that special someone, knowing he's out there somewhere and yet not knowing why he's not looking for me too. I'll end up going to college and earning high honors there, then after I will be highly successful in any job I choose. Yet, through it all I'm going to wonder what's wrong with me and ponder on why I haven't gotten married yet. Did "the one" actually meet me and decide I wasn't pretty or popular or docile enough for him? What could I have done better? Even if I was the most famous or most wealthy person on earth it won't matter in the eternal scheme of things, and any joy or gratification I receive will be small in comparison to what I could have as a wife or mother. Today I was sleeping on the couch and had this really weird dream, in which my dad said that I would "Raise a child". He really seemed to be sincere and I want to believe it but I can't totally allow myself to ( during this dream my dad also told Shelli that she was going to become a soda addict, so I do have quite a bit of doubt to the dream's validity). I wish I knew for sure if anyone even considered me to be dating material. Knowing me however I would probably be the only girl in the history of the universe to go to BYU and not come away with my M.R.M. (Mrs. Returned Missionary) Degree. It's partially for that reason that I'm not really considering going to BYU. *sighs*
That's pretty much all I wrote before I decided that if I continued much longer I'd be verging on suicidal.
I hate myself.
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