Missing

Have you ever had the unsettling experience of being almost awake, listening to a really obnoxious beeping that’s growing louder and louder, and while it’s enough to make you uneasy about continuing, it hasn’t reached that breaking point? Yeah, I thought not . . .
That pretty much sums up my life for the past little while. I’ve been really unsettled, anxious about college, money, jobs, schoolwork, extracurricular and friends, yet it hasn’t reached the point where I can honestly allow myself to panic my way out of it. I’ve been really sick for the past few days, which is honestly a rare occurrence with me, but its come from pushing myself too far.
Friday night/Saturday night Cameron called me to see if I was busy. With no idea what we were planning on doing, I ended up driving over to his house. Honestly, it’s the first time in a long while that I’ve done anything purely for the heck of it, and I didn’t realize how much I’d missed it until I got there. Our plans ended up being tossed to the wind, but it was so much fun to just talk and relax with people. And that’s what I’ve been missing. I miss calling people up at 10 PM for no reason at all and talking till 4 AM about nothing important. I miss taking time to watch a thunderstorm. I miss walking in the rain with a friend. As such, I’m going to make more of an effort to actually be engaged in the people and things around me.
For some specifics;

Cameron - Thank you for forever being so you. I’m sorry for being such a whiner about past history. I’ve completely missed spending time with you presently for being so fixated on some idealistic past, and I regret it. I’m going to do my best to forget it. After all, we still need to crash that wedding reception, roast mini marshmallows, tour model homes, and do all of those other things on that list.

Bethany - *chuckles* Thank you for your attempts to bring me back into the world (or, more accurately, away from it). Your phone calls and posts always relieve so much stress and worry and allow me to be myself, rather than my obligations. Feel free to call me anytime just for a talk, and I’ll do the same. I need one of those spur-of-the-moment, no reason at all calls and I expect to hear from you soon

Jenn - I’ve neglected you over the past little while, no scratch that, a long while. I’ve been doing a horrible job of keeping up communication, and I should be slapped for it. I haven’t seen you in ages and I know next to nothing about how life is going for you nowadays. I still need to come see one of your plays/one acts and visit you there at Westminster, and I’d better see you at Footloose (which, BTW, runs April 6, 7, 8, 10, and 11). My phone number hasn’t changed and I need to find your number asap.

Addison - We must needs play! As in right now^^; Seriously, the only time I get to see you nowadays is due to debate, and even those are few and far between. Your boooooooring desk job needs a break now and then, and you need to get out to spend time with me!

Aubrey - I can’t remember a time where you were not there for me and I deeply appreciate it. Its been wonderful to just spend time with you over the past while (inversion tables and Sunday naps come to mind). Now that the stress of Mock trial is over I’ll have more time to be there in drama and ready to participate in our scene, come what may (erg..state).

Bekah - You’re one of my last sanity-savers there at Lone Peak when it comes to rant processing. We need to play, and we need to talk/rant till the wee hours of the morning before my head implodes, with it not based on any past or present school activity (not to name any names...).

Richard - You know, one of these days I’m going to have to stop being so mean to you^^; Seriously, we need to play in times other than those dictated by stressful extracurricular outings.

Adam - I’ve seen so little of you at school this year, and now that mock trial is over I fear that may end up happening again. I miss being around you, sexy beast that you are, and we need to play more in the future. Hopefully any future excursions will not involve gigantic mud bogs and stuck trucks though~_^

Hadley - The truck comment goes for you too young lady^^; We also need to play more. I miss your hugs/squeegees (funny enough, that is a word according to my spell check) and we need to talk about random stuff so’more

Justin, Loni, Katie, Bailey, Grady, and Shambray -
Except for a few brief glimpses of Justin (last Friday or so) and Katie (today) I haven’t seen any of you for months and months. Some, like Shambray and Grady, seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. What’s going on? How’s school? Friends? Life in general? I’m dying to know what’s going on.

*sighs* I proly shouldn’t do that very often. I always feel like I’m forgetting someone and as such I end up adding people until I can’t think anymore.
So yes, I’m working on it. I’m sick of hiding.