tell me what you think of it.

Keep the Key


No one will ever know
the secrets of my soul.
Like the calm crying
of the wind on a
Fall morning’s night.

The bells of the town in the distance,
behind you,
Portraying the everlasting hour.

Walking down the long corridor,
Recalling past events,
Dwelling on regrets and pain.

The sting of it only now an imprint
that is hidden beneath a mask of joy.
Convincing myself that the
state of being called love has not
been bestowed upon me;
Though I know better than to deny it,
for it’s power is sacred.

Each step vibrating within the depths of my soul,
compelling me to go forward in the night.
The once so constant paranoia has now been
replaced with comfort,
for fear is no longer dreaded.

Again I waver,
staggering for the moment
when life takes its devastating blow.

Waiting. That is what composes my life,
the music always to be played.
Changes in tempo and dynamic,
the melody remaining the same.

Darkness. Cold. Hate.
No.
Live as though you were to die tomorrow.

I contain so much inexpressible love
to and for so many people.
They will never comprehend it.
Regardless, it’s there.

The secrets of life,
locked away until death.
Confusing the masses with its mystery.

They may be secrets,
guarded by a lock,
but love is the key,
and honestly living that key
is the secret.

Christmas is in : 19 Days, and counting!

Remember, he's watching!

I've also discovered that I have 83 People on my chatting buddy list and 59 online comics that I check daily.
...
I think I need to go outside more often.

Yeah, so I've been sick since last wednesday.

-I'm bored.
+I watched TV a couple nights ago for the first time in forever, which was very relaxing.
-I missed a tournament on Friday due to my sickness.
-I also missed a party on saturday because I thought I was well enough to go to the Debate tournament.
-I also missed a Christmas party.
+I make some dang good Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup.
-My siblings agreed with me on that point and kept eating it all, leaving none for the sick people in my house.
+I think I've spent as much time asleep the past few days as I've spent awake.
-I haven't done any of the homework I need to makeup for the classes I missed.
-Sick=not feeling very good.
-I lost my voice this morning and when I try to shout it turns into this weird screechy shriek.
-Shelli and I were too sick to go to church this morning.
+I'm planning on watching much TV to make up for it.

yeah... Sick = -+

I hate halloween. I mean candy is nice and fun and wonderful and all but not when there is so much of it at my house. I've been living on pretty much straight sugar for the past couple of days an it's frying my brain (although that could also be due to the fact that I am the biggest procrastinator in the world and am burning myself out trying to keep everything in my life balanced but ya know, minor detail).
yeah
off to do more homework I go.

bleh sugar.

*SQUEE*
We're gona have another baby in the house! My mom just got a call from this lady who said that they have a 5 month old baby boy who is need of a foster home and we agreed to take him. If everything goes well he should be here within the next couple of hours. *is much excited*

In other news I am a big slacker and forgot to give out invites to a party that I'm having at my house tonight (friday Oct. 29th) @ 6:00-11:00. Everyone reading this is invited and I'm really sorry if I didn't get a hold of you. If you need directions to my house my phone # is 756-6087. We're planning on watching one of the old
"scary" B movies and having food and stuff so come! ^^;

FAQ

Ok, due to the large amount of questions I've received on the issue I thought this would be a good place to clarify.

Yes, my birthday was on the 23rd, yes it was last Saturday, yes it was on Sadie's, yes Travis Olsen was my date, Yes his birthday was the same day as mine and we are only 4 hours apart, yes I am now 17, and yes I did have a fun birthday.

*bows*

I'm gona make myself sick.

According to my calculations, in the past 91 hours (from 6:45 AM on Tuesday morning, to 1:50 AM on Friday morning) I have slept a grand total of 9 hours (3 hours on Tuesday night from 3:45AM-6:45AM and 6 hours on Wednesday night from 12:45AM-6:45AM). Yes you heard me right, I slept two hours past the 7 hours in a week qualification for being legally insane. I have yet to finish my Cases for Debate (which I am supposed to be using in the tournament tomorrow) I am going to fail at least one of my classes unless I can find some way to make up some stuff before team ends. yeah, and the reason why I haven't slept is due to me staying up late trying to get my homework (particularly my cases) done before term ends. Due to conversations with people I work with I now hate seniors with a burning passion.
Oh and due to my lack of sleep I'm likely to either be really irritable, Liable to break down in tears at the least provocation, or really hyper tomorrow (most likely some of both) so it might be wise to stay out of my way until, say, thanksgiving break which will be the soonest chance I have of catching up on my sleep.
*chews arm off*
I don't care what stupid freaking homework I have left to do, I'm going to bed.

Too nice for my own good

Ok, I need advice on an entirely hypothetical situation. I would really appreciate a honest answer from as many guys as read this post.

Lets say that you, meaning you guys, really like this girl and want to go out with her. Unfortunately this girl has no desire whatsoever to be anything but friends with you. Would you prefer her to A) Go out with you when you ask if she'd like to and have her pretend to like you so as not to hurt your feelings. B) Go out with you on one date and have her tell you after you ask for a second date that she doesn't like you in that way. C) have her tell you right out when you ask the first time that she doesn't want to go out with you period or D) other.

I would really like some honest opinions on this and would appreciate comments on this post as soon as possible.

Thanks.

It is now...12 something in the morning and I have yet to start packing for Cedar City. I just barely put my last load of clothes in the dryer, have not done any of the copious amount of homework I have to do, I've spent the last couple of hours doing nothing but sitting on my butt surfing the internet (none of which was for any class in school I have), I have yet to find 2 monologues and memorize them and my scene with Bailey (All I can say is that we'd better win sweepstakes at the comp.), I have yet to revise and memorize my Oratory for Debate as well as do research on the LD topic and write up some cases for it, I have yet to turn in all the schoolwork I missed last time I went out of town, I have a huge headache (most likely due to the 1/4th a gallon of Butter Toffee Ice cream I just ate, and I will probably not sleep tonight.


Funfunfunfun.

And I can't wait till tomorrow. ^^;

. . .
My reality is shattered.

I just found out that my dad wrote a poem for my mom for her birthday and it was really good. He told me that he wrote poetry and acted and did a lot of creative stuff back when he was younger. I can honestly say it sort of freked me out. I've always thought and been told that I'm more like my mom than my dad but after talking with him I think I may have more in common with him.

Weird.

See ya!

Leaving for Mexico. My Grandpa's wife is getting baptized and my family is going down for it. I should be home late Monday.
Thought you'd like to know why I mysteriously disappeared. Or at least all of you who I haven't told.
Bye!

well I can count at least two people who's lives would have been better if I had never met them. I'm sure everyone else would share the same sentiment if they only knew...

I feel as though someone shot me up on Novocaine and cut my heart out. Now all that's left in it's place is a numb emptiness.

I'm going to get this written by tonight. I'll most likely end up crying myself to sleep but I will get it finished and I'll have it ready for you to read by tomorrow jenn.

Tests!

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Punkin is almost alive!

I almost have a vehicle now! *beams* My dad just dropped my truck off at this garage in the middle of nowhere with a mechanic who is the model of those grungy tv mechanics with the little nametag patches (edgar in this case) and a uniform that hasn't been washed since he got it. I'm trusting my dad on this although I'm not sure how safe it is there (though as my sister put it "Who would steal it anyways?"). *waits hopefully*

*sighs* We've been out of milk for the past few days and I seriously think I'm going through withdrawls. I keep opening up the fridge and hoping that someone has gone to the store and bought some. Twas to no avail however and my cereal is still in the box waiting.

"I had a dream I was an INTERNET PIRATE!"

-cackles- Yes. Read the title and it explains this post entirely. More or less . . . er, and stuff. Well, as Andrew knows, I stayed up untill about eight or so in the morning, playing gunbound, and RPing. Fun stuff. So, once eight o'clock rolled around, and the person I was RPing with had to go (she's in Australia) I paused and sat there for a while, playing Phantom of the Opera over again (mind you that was about the 20th time that night/morning.)

So, after I dragged myself upstairs to my room, I sort of paused, and looked at everything, then I sort of collapsed on my bed. Somehow I woke up under the covers and everything. Well, while THAT was happening, I had the COOLEST game ever. I was an Internet Pirate! And I would download myself into the system, and then go and "dock" with other peoples "ships" (aka computers) and then I would steal all there "goods" (aka files). It was the coolest dream EVER. And everyone feared me! -cackles- Yes, ph34r the Internet Pirate of Frane!

I wish I could take their pain away...but how can I when they won't let it go?

I have completely lost any respect I ever had for about half of my extended family.

On Saturday My mom, my sisters and I went to a bridal shower for my cousin Chris' bride to be Alex, and a bridal shower for my moms cousin Terri. The bridal shower went ok all things considered, although my grandma (who is very judgmental and is constantly making excuses for her actions) was glaring in my direction during most of the shower because I was sitting next to my cousin sara (chris's little sister) who has completely rebelled against her LDS upbringing and is the model of Hot Topic goth/punk-ness(much to my grandma's disapproval). It didn't really surprise me when my grandma snuck out of the shower early without so much as a backward glance at any of us, although after Alex opened the presents from the bridesmaid it was probably for the best.
After the shower we went out to the van to go to the other shower only to find that our van (the same van which stranded us in the middle of Death Valley in 113 degree weather and which my dad had finished fixing the day before) would not start and no one could get it to work. Which meant that we all had to pile into my cousins cars to be able to reach the baby shower on time. After a good amount of swearing and back talk between my cousins we finally got divided up and on our way. Shelli and I went with Sara's sisters Emily (who is getting married in october) and Bethany, while my mom and the rest of my sisters went with Sara and her mom. After arriving at the shower I was shocked with the difference between My cousins and my Mom's cousins. Sara and her siblings clothed in black and chains, Terri and her siblings in pastels. Sara and Bethany left soon after we arrived to go drop some of Sara's friends off at their homes while I sat with my family and chatted with Terri and her family. After a while Sara came back and she and bethany convinced Emily to give them a ride to emily's house (They didn't look like they felt comfortable around terri and her family. Emily agreed and shelli and I followed her to her car (as she was our ride previously) and we soon made it to Emily's house.
Now I have not had the best opinion of sara, emily, and bethany for a long time. I had known that Emily had been sleeping around for years and honestly wondered why she and her Fiance had even bothered to get married, and knew that sara and Beth were probably going to turn out just like her. Arriving at Emily's house did nothing to raise that opinion. The first thing I saw when I walked in was a huge stack of Porn Magazines and a collection of "Girls gone wild" DVDs. Even that wasn't much of a surprise but after seeing the rest of the house (sara fortunately put away the magazines away soon after we arrived). It was only after we sat down to watch a movie that things really started getting ugly. Entirely in an attempt to pull my chain, Sara reaches over, grabs the "girls gone wild" DVD's and asks shelli and I which one we want to watch. Now in order to fully understand how I felt at that moment you have to understand the rest of my family. I have an uncle who used to be addicted to porn and it has completely messes up his life. He's stopped looking at it now but because of his addiction he's in the middle of a very nasty divorce, and his life has pretty much been a living hell because of it, and Sara knows this nearly as well as I do, and had just offered me the very substance that destroyed his life, not 1 hour past the last time we had talked about him. I absolutely refused (much to the relief of Shelli who's eyes nearly popped out of her head when the movies were offered) and told her in no uncertain terms that, though I didn't care if she wanted to ruin her life with that junk, But I would have no part in it. She then went on to explain he philosophy that drugs, sex, and porn didn't make you a bad person (which I'm sure was her motive in offering it in the first place was for, I could tell she needed some way to justify her life choices after being around so many "goodie goodies" earlier), to which I reminded her about my uncle which started her on a rant that "Since her family was genetically programed to not be addicted to things, obviously she wasn't addicted to it either". Needless to say I was very glad when Emily came in from the other room and told Sara to knock it off. With that settled and a safer movie on the screen Sara offered me some cookies Which I accepted with the caution that there had better not be any questionable substances in them. Which started Sara off again on how drugs don't make you a bad person as she had tried Crack cocaine before and it hadn't hurt her and she's still the same old sara. Bull.
After my parents got the van fixed and dropped me off at work I was really grateful that Kholers was busy and I didn't have much time to think about the day's events. I had plenty of time afterward to ponder on it though. Honestly right now I don't hate my cousins and highly doubt that I could. I only pity them. I can guarantee that not one of them will be married in the temple and that at least one of their marriages will end up in a divorce, if not all of them. Sara and Emily will continue with their parties and their drugs, sex and porn while poor bethany, who is about 2 years younger than me, will most likely end up having slept with a boy before I even get my first kiss, not because she "loves him" but to prove to her sisters that she's just as "cool" as they are, and none of them will ever really be happy with the choices they've made.
*sighs* And there's nothing anyone can do about it.

I could really really use a hug right now.

One can never truly tell a friend just how much they mean to them, especially when it's important. Perhaps it is because of this so few friendships are as solid as they should be. In fact, a single small, rather stupid act can sometimes shatter the base if a friendship.

I have come to this realization due to rather unpleasant circumstances.

However, I would like each and every one of you, including those who no longer know me, to know that even if you decide you can't bear to see my face anymore, I'm still here. I will always be here.
If you feel like you need someone to talk to, yell at, or get an honest opinion from, I will be waiting on you hand and foot. I promise.

Just know that even if you feel that you don't have the need to socialize with me any more, I still exist, therefore I remember you and will accept you.

No matter what.

I'm sorry
Thank you.
I love you.
Thank you.
Sorry.

Just in case I haven't said it lately...

*sigh*

Another e-mail forward

My name is jenna.....i am 7 years old with blonde hair and scary eyes.  i have no nose or ears.... i am dead. if you do not send this 15 people in the next 5 minutes i will appear tonight by your bed with a knife and kill you.. this is no joke Something good will happen to u 2nite at 9:22. This is not a joke some1 will either call u or will talk to u  and say that they love u. do not break!

 

*...can't......stop....laughing.....*

What I really wonder is how she typed that up and sent it. Maybe she was blessed enough to still have fingers, although typing with decomposing fingers has got to be a messy pastime.

Ani=Amused.
Ani= dead tonight as she is not going to forward the e-mail in the next 5 minutes.
Ani also=still can't stop laughing.

BTW Justin tonight may be a good time for me to learn how to disarm someone with a knife in their hand *grins* that is IF "jenna" hasn't decomposed to the point where she can no longer hold a knife.

Grandma always sent the weirdest e-mails

Did you know that everything has a gender?

For example:-

1) Ziploc Bags - They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers - They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if you push the wrong ones.

3) Tire - Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon - Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges - Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page - Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway - Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick
people up.

8) Hourglass - Female, because over time, the weight shifts to
the bottom.

9) Hammer - Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last
5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control - Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male.
But consider this; it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.



And my grandma sent this to me. I'm beginning to understand why my family is so weird.

AIM conversation of DOOOOOOOM

Aflash14: I want it finished by friday. No exceptions
TheRefletiveDuck: o_O
Aflash14: lol
TheRefletiveDuck: Whoawhoa Missy Deadline Pants!
Aflash14: *cackles*
Aflash14: I've never been called THAT before
TheRefletiveDuck: Who are you to impose such a schedule on I, Jennifer, the, "I, Jennifer" girl?
TheRefletiveDuck: heheh
Aflash14: lol
TheRefletiveDuck: That's what I'm going to call you from now on
TheRefletiveDuck: When I'm mad at you
Aflash14: ...
TheRefletiveDuck: "Missy Deadline Pants*
Aflash14: ...urge...to....kill....rising
TheRefletiveDuck: lol!
Aflash14: I'll sic my heart on you! Don't temp me, it has killed many men.
TheRefletiveDuck: . . .
TheRefletiveDuck: Wow
TheRefletiveDuck: I. . .really can't believe you just said that. . .
Aflash14: *cackles* whatever it takes hon
TheRefletiveDuck: AHHH!
TheRefletiveDuck: And you just called me HON?!
TheRefletiveDuck: *world falls to pieces*
Aflash14: *laughs*
Aflash14: and If you call me "missy deadline pants" again I'll make you wish you were never born


*cackles* I'm amused.

“So sorry, I wasn’t aware you had feelings.”

No, not many people are. “It’s quite alright. After all, you’re only human.”

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong. I’m much more than that.”

That has to be the smuggest face I’ve ever seen.

“Won’t you ask what, then, I could be?”

“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. You do have a way of explaining things.”

“You’re mocking me.”

Yes. “Never.”

“You understand that I am very proud, do you not? Do you also understand that pride is a very delicate thing?”

Anyone who doesn’t know that is a fool. “Yes, I know of pride.”

“Then why do you toy with it? You -are- trying to play with my emotions.”

No, that‘s your job. “I’m afraid you’ve found me out."

"But you're not afraid."
________________________________________________________________
Um... That's just dumb now.

I hate Georgia.

Oh and everyone don't forget about the stake dance this saturday!! BE THERE!!
(July 17th)

I smell like I brought the campfire home in my pocket

I'm home. I haven't had a shower since Monday. There was no running water at camp.

I'm going to go take a shower now.
More on camp later.

ow

I hurt, I'm tired, I want to take a shower now but instead I'm typing this up and I just got home from having a super fun time with my family (can this be?). My mom and dad found three jetskis at the DI (on various occasions) last summer and today we took them out on Yuba Lake for the first time. Now when I say jetski I don't mean the wimpy sit on top of it and go type jetskis, I'm talking about the old, one person, kneel on or stand on type jetskis. To top it all off it was my first time riding one and I actually managed to stand up on one (quite an accomplishment this being my first time and having the entire lake as choppy as can be) *preens* although I took some of the most spectacular spills in the process and my body has been whining at me nonstop since I got home. Everyone who reads this seriously has to go and get their PWC licenses so the next time I go I can bring people along. The only slight problem with the lake was that there was a thunderstorm a while after we got there. Now normally I love thunderstorms but as all it did was make it colder outside I could have done without it today. Yesterday however was a totally different story. The clouds cooled the air down to the perfect temp and I went outside on the front porch and smelled the rain. I do however hope that it isn't raining next week as I'm leaving for girls camp on Tuesday and won't be back till Friday.

I am really looking forward to girls camp next week. It should be my last year as our trek should be next year (that is if stake policies haven't changed) and as such I am planning on making it one that our ward will never forget. *beams* and I'm even putting my drama training to good use.

Every year at girls camp the girls in my ward take the first year campers on a snipe hunt. For those of you who are not familiar with it a snipe is a little rodent creature about the size of a ground squirrel that is completely imaginary (actually there is such a thing as a snipe except it's a type of bird) and with all of us toting pillowcases and walking around at night with flashlights (the light scares the snipes away and also makes it harder to toss stones into the bushes to create the realistic sounding rustlings in the bushes)we take the innocent little 12 year old out in an effort to totally convince them of the snipe's reality. Now our ward has always gone to great lengths to prove that snipes exist doing everything imaginable such as last year when one of the older girls caught a little ground squirrel the day before and put it in her pillowcase so the first years could see it move, to my first year when the older girls all jumped and screamed on cue as though a snipe had run through them. well this year I have one to beat them all. During my first year one of the girls claimed to have been bitten by a snipe. Now as everyone knows snipes have very sharp teeth and it could be fatal if you don't stop the bleeding it made it all the more dramatic in my 12 year old mind. My only qualms with the bite was that she wouldn't let me see it (clear evidence the there was no bite) and that there was no bite mark the next day. As a tribute to her memory I am going to take the "bite" gag and expand on it. I just so happen to have a tube of blood( a little too red for my tastes so I might add a drop of green food coloring to it before I use it, fortunately it's the corn syrup kind and perfect for vampire type stuff too) lying around my house and am going to allow the little first years to see the blood on my hand (wrapped in a pillowcase to "stop the bleeding before it's too late" of course) and have a pretty convincing blood soaked bandage on my hand the next day. Those first years will never know what hit em.

Ow

And the lesson for today is:
Never wrestle with your senior camp leader, you are sure to end up with many bruises and a slight throbbing feeling in your left wrist.

It would have ended a lot sooner if I could actually admit defeat or if my camp leader (whose name is Clara) had declared a truce. As it was I ended up sort of winning (but not really) as she finally decided that she was tired of putting up with me.

*sighs*

on the other hand it is and absolutely beautiful night outside and I have just had a rejuvenating slice of homemade ice cream pie. I am now contented and will now head off to my room where I will sit for a while and make predictions about how big my bruises are going to be and how many people are going to ask me if I've been abused.

fAng: it's good to be back

After talking to flip the other day I came to the realization that not everone in "Tent E" knows about my other livejournal , as well as the fact that I will be posting in that one most of the time, rather than in this one.  

I'm Weird!

Well. That makes me angry.
Alright, the poem thingerjawhozit is 'apposed to be in the shape of two waves.
It's kinda cool, actually..
*shrug*
PKTS

*bounces*

Momiji (Year of the Rabbit)


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It must be summer, everybody's getting bored (including me) and these quizes just happen to be the result. We all need to plan a party or something and soon.

*puts on debate voice* ok, now I'm upset

Well after looking at everyone's journals and seeing what a mess I've created with my entry about the draft I felt that I needed to at least take some part in the discussion (and hopefully stop it in it's tracks).

(BTW this started out as a comment to one of my friends entries but soon got too extreme for me to post it as a comment)

First off I was the one who posted the stuff on the draft in the first place and I am in no way a "flamin' liberal" but I am very much "freaking out" about this whole draft thing. When I posted the stuff about it on my livejournal I never meant for it to go this far or get everyone so riled up about it, although it's probably for the best that it did. It's a good chance for everyone to get their opinions out. Now for mine
Since the start of this whole "war", one of my greatest fears has been the possibility of a draft, the possibility that many of my good friends, young as they may seem to me, might be called to go and serve in active military duty. It scares me to death to realize that with this rumored draft, not only will all of my male friends be required to serve, but my female friends as well. That just about everyone at my high school will be forced to go off to war, leaving behind any hopes they have for a good future, good education, or a family of their own complete with children who actually recognize their parents when they see them for the first time in a while.
I know what it's like to have a family member in the military. My dad served in the Army/Air force for 13 years and had been in the service since before I was even born. He is also a veteran of the Gulf war and, during his time in the military, had been away from my family a lot, often for months at a time. I know what it's like to barely recognize a family member after they've been gone for a long time, and yet through all of that I never once heard him complain about the country he was serving.
one thing that I want everyone to realize is that I support this country and her leaders wholeheartedly. I think the whole anti-bush propaganda scheme is ridiculous and get very upset when I see someone discredit America or the flag or the blood sacrifice of every American soldier who has fought to make America the country it is today. Truth be told I would willingly go into war and fight for that belief, but what gets to me about this whole draft thing is the absence of choice. Call me selfish or proud or whatever you like, but if I'm going to go fight for my country I want to be able to say that I'm fighting because I love my country, instead of fighting with the resentment that my leaders forced me to fight. I would never want anyone to even consider that I might possibly not care about the sacrifice it took and still takes to keep America free. As much as I hate all of the crap that people have been throwing at Bush, it's incredible to me to think that all those people have the power to do so and probably don't even fully realize and value it. This countries power to voice it's opinions of it's leaders is just one of the freedoms that has been paid for in innocent blood. If we as the people of America cease to realize that sacrifice, if we discredit the price of freedom, then we cease to be free. Without the understanding of that price, there is no value of freedom and no loyalty to keep this country intact. At this point I don't care what excuses anyone has for being unpatriotic or for discrediting America and her leaders. President Bush is only a man, a citizen of America just like any one of us. How stupid is it of us to elect a man or woman as our president and then expect them to be a flawless all-knowing all-seeing being, free from the imperfections of humanity?!? How can we possibly claim to be a country "by the people and for the people" if we expect our leaders to be above humanity? I don't know about any of you but I personally could never have done as good a job leading this country as he could. Quite honestly don't even want to try. President Bush has the fate of America riding on his shoulders and the media has full power to rip him to shreds. All the stuff about the draft is just another attempt to discredit, not only the president, but the blood sacrifice of millions of Americans to keep this country free.
I don't care what anyone else thinks at this point, but if this draft does come to pass so be it, Someone needs to fight for the freedom of this country, someone needs to show the world that America can and will stand on the hard fought for ground on which it resides, and fight with gratitude in their hearts for a country that has given them so much, rather than sit back and expect more people to sacrifice for the freedom that so many people have come to place little value on. Someone needs to do so and if there's a need for me, I would willingly be one of them.

W00tage

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U	Unnatural
F	Furious
F	Furious
R	Rich
I	Ideal
N	Naive
S	Smart
U	Unforgettable
C	Casual
A	Appealing
T	Technological
A	Altruistic
S	Sophisticated
H	Helpful

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

I couldn't help myself

How evil are you?

Apparently I have a sweet spirit as well. w00t

O_O

*Freaks out*

"$28 million has been added to the 2004 Selective Service System (SSS) budget to prepare for a military draft that could start as early as June 15, 2005."

"...provide for the common defense by requiring that all young persons [age 18--26] in the United States, including women, perform a period of military service or a period of civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, and for other purposes."

"Dodging the draft will be more difficult than those from the Vietnam era. College and Canada will not be options."

"This plan, among other things, eliminates higher education as a shelter and includes women in the draft. "

 

Somebody pinch me. This can't be happening so it must be a dream.  I know it sound melodramatic of me but please somebody tell me it's just a bad dream.

This is so awkward

I feel very strange. I've spent the last couple of hours on the internet and I feel guilty for doing so as I haven't done any homework. The thing is I don't have any homework. *sighs* It's going to be interesting when my mind realizes that I have no more school.

hmm...
yeah

Life explained

My mom sent me this forward last night and it was so beautiful that I had to put it here.

In the beginning, God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I 'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.
Then God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).
Then God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.
Then God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years" No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back, that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained.

It makes me happy ^^;

Roadtrip!

Short version:

We left Sunday morning and drove all the way to Disneyland. All I can say about that was if we didn't have the TV in the car I would have died. On Monday we actually went to the park and went on every ride we possibly could until the park closed, including the new tower of terror ride they put in (fun fun ride) and going to see their musical performance of Aladdin which was incredible. My new goal in life is to act on a stage as good as that one. The effects were awesome and the actors were good except for Aladdin and Jasmin not looking like they were supposed to( jasmine looked Chinese and Aladdin didn't fit his character), and they even rigged up a magic carpet from the ceiling right above the audience which made an awesome special effect. From the first scene I was longing to go backstage, let alone work back there. *sighs* yeah, anyways. . .
The rest of the week went pretty much the same way until Thursday, when we went to the beach with my Grandpa who lives just across the Mexico border. It was there that I discovered that I am in no way a California beach beauty. I have no idea how to surf, I'm fish-belly white (which soon changed to lobster red as I didn't put enough sun screen on) and I was surrounded by my younger siblings, so, rather than let that get to me, I built sand castles with Thomas, Miri, Samuel, Kyli and Daniel, went body surfing with Shelli and Kaiti (annoying all of the actual surfers in the process ^^;), saved Joseph from drowning as he tried to body surf as well, helped Miri and Kyli gather seashells (some with their occupants still attached), told Kaiti to put down the jellyfish that she had found before it bit her, fell asleep in the sun (which is the reason for my sunburn) tried to get all of the sand off of myself using the only shower available (which was in full sight of the freeway) and generally acted like a 5 year old for most of the day. ^^;
On Friday we went back to Disneyland and watched the Snow White musical they were putting on in their outdoor theater (which was another really nice theater). It wasn't near as good as the Aladdin one but still much better than plays I've seen elsewhere. We also watched a parade and I felt like we were part of it as most of the days we were at Disneyland my entire family was wearing matching shirts that my mom had made specifically for our family outings. It got pretty tiring listening to people ask my parents if all of these kids belonged to them, and hearing my dad respond "yeah, unless we lost a few of them" at which point he would go on to explain the Anti-Separation properties of matching shirts. We also got called everything from the Brady Bunch to the Vontrap family, which was kind of odd as both families have less kids than my family does, and had people continually point at us and count the number of matching shirts (I never thought that counting to 11 would be so hard for some people).
On Saturday we packed up our stuff and went down to Mexico to meet my Grandpa at his house so that we could spend the day together. We also found out that we were going to be going down to a water park in Tiaguana to celebrate my soon to be Aunt's 10th birthday. My siblings and I had known that my grandpa is getting re-married to a lady named Maggie, whom he had met in Mexico, but up until this point I had no idea she had any kids, but apparently she has 4 children ranging from the ages of about 8-14. After driving around the bumpy, heavily populated streets of tiawana for about an hour, My grandpa finally lead us down a small dirt road that he claimed would lead us to the water park. After driving down this road for about 5 minutes we find the road leads straight into a pool of water complete with garbage from the dump that was on our right, several rubber tires, and a couple of bony dogs prowling around the edge. It would have come as no surprise to me if this pool of water was the water park, and the tires were supposed to be the flotation devices (after all it was Mexico) but fortunately after driving through the water, the road on the other side did lead us to the actual water park. We then got out, put on our suits and joined my grandpa underneath a pavilion (complete with a palm thatched roof) where we were told to go ahead and swim until it was time to cut the cake. To top it all off we were the only Caucasians in the park and my mother had told us beforehand that we might be considered "fresh meat" to all of the Mexican boys at the park. Shelli and I thought she was only joking but were still slightly hesitant about going swimming as in Mexico the only purified water is for drinking and we knew the pool therefore wouldn't be. We finally consented and went down some of the slides (which are a lot faster than the ones we have here) only to discover that my mom was right and we had almost every guy in the park from the ages of 8-25 following us. One of the most avid of our followers was a little boy about ten years old, who had been following us acting as an interpreter, as the only one in my family who speaks Spanish is my dad, and very few people in the park spoke English. During the time we were swimming my mom asked Shelli and I to go out to the car to get something. We then headed out to the car only to be scared half out of out whits as the guy who was watching the parking lot had stationed himself right in-between our car and the next one (I though Shelli was going to have a heart attack After we'd had enough swimming, Shelli and I went over to where they were about ready to break open a couple of pinatas stuffed with Mexican candy. After both pinata were broken, Daniel came up to me and gave me a piece of candy, which I obligingly ate without looking at the label as I couldn't understand it. After popping it into my mouth I discovered that it was a strawberry candy covered in pepper powder. After swallowing it as soon as I could, I went over to my dad and showed him the wrapper of the candy only to learn the Spanish word for hot, while my mom had a good laugh when I told her the candy was covered in peppers. I was also told by my dad that Mexicans use spice on their candy just like we make our candy sour. So needless to say now I have a bunch of Mexican candy sitting by my computer uneaten. After the pinata episode we cut the cake, had presents and then left with a hearty "Adios amigos!" to all of the people at the party.

That's what I have typed up so far, I'll finish the rest later.

w00t for pictures!

I finally put some pictures on my journal!*insert much happiness and glee* It feels so weird to be doing something other than homework (even though I should be doing it right now).
Plus I don't feel tired for some odd strange reason and my sister actually babysitted for me today. I can't wait for summer but as much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to miss school. I really don't want to loose contact with any of my friends this summer and I hopefully should have more free time then I did last summer. My mom quit her job at the hospital and therefore should be home a lot more than she was last summer. My only time constraints are going to be on-line classes and a summer job. At this point it looks like that job is going to be hosting a daycare (yay...)although I'm trying to find somewhere that's hiring and has pretty good pay instead(if anyone has any ideas please tell me).

I have a strange feeling that my head is about to explode.

Quiz I took.

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla


W00t, ten, y0.

Lucy! I'm home!

Yup. I'm back. I've decided that mexico hates me with a vengeance, which is why I'm going to go sleep off the cold I've received. I'll type up an entry about the trip later but right now I'm going to bed.

For the record, I still don't know what I'm missing...

I really really don't like myself at the moment.

*Excerpt from a journal entry I wrote in my offline journal on Sunday. Needless to say since I wrote it in My journal I wasn't planning on putting it here but since I have nothing else to do I might as well add it. Also please forgive the teenage angst, (I usually don't rant about this type of thing) ,as well as my blatantly obvious religious references.*

Guess what! Friday was Prom! Guess what again! I didn't get asked. Big surprise. I've been 16 now for almost 7 months now and have been on one date. Even better, that one date was to Preference and I was the one who did the asking and the guy I went with probably never would have asked me to a dance anyway. The funny thing is that I have no shortage of guyfriends who are not "going out" with anyone at this point and therefore would be able to ask me out, but it still hasn't happened yet, and you know why? Because going on a date with me would simply be "too weird" because all of them tend to see me as their "little sister" and therefore not female. When I turned 16 I even jokingly hired all of my guyfriends to be my "big brothers", meaning that if any guy breaks my heart they have an obligation to teach him a lesson. The only problem with that plan however is that they will never get the chance to, as I'm never going to be in that position in the first place. I'm not and never will be the "most popular girl in school" as I tend not to wear makeup or act boy crazy all the time, and I don't want to be. I can't help the way I feel, Every time I've had a crush on someone it makes things suddenly awkward between the two of us. Is it a crime not to want to be so obsessed with someone that I follow them around like a mindless puppy, with no intelligent thought going through my head as it's so consumed by images of "the one". Is it selfish of me to never want to be in a position where I like someone who can't stand being around me? I especially don't want my affections for someone to annoy him.
*sighs*
It really doesn't matter much though. I'm never going to go out with someone, I'm never going to get proposed to, I'm never going to find "the one", I'm never going to get married, I'm never going to have a family of my own and never going to have a "happily ever after" so why bother trying? On Wednesday we played "the game of life" for Mutual. We were supposed to get there, find our partner and continue on our merry way through the stations they had set up. My only problem was that, though I was the second person there, my partner (who was supposed to be the second guy there) seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. While the other happy couples (including several of my friends) wandered off to start their new lives together, I searched in vain for my partner until I was told to just continue the game alone. Naturally I did so and spent the game wandering around on my own. Along the way I got my education and was the 2nd person to get my PHD after Shambray (who I'd dragged along with me to the activity),earned quite a bit of money, paid my tithing, got a temple recommend, went on a mission and was generally very successful and Molly Mormon-ish, that is until I died. At that point everyone went to "heaven" where they separated us up into married and unmarried people. Of the very few unmarried people there, Shambray and I were among them (her husband claimed that he was going on a mission and never returned). Reflecting on the activity later didn't much improve my mood. All it did was give me the realization that that's probably how my life is going to turn out. I'm going to spend quite a bit of my life looking for that special someone, knowing he's out there somewhere and yet not knowing why he's not looking for me too. I'll end up going to college and earning high honors there, then after I will be highly successful in any job I choose. Yet, through it all I'm going to wonder what's wrong with me and ponder on why I haven't gotten married yet. Did "the one" actually meet me and decide I wasn't pretty or popular or docile enough for him? What could I have done better? Even if I was the most famous or most wealthy person on earth it won't matter in the eternal scheme of things, and any joy or gratification I receive will be small in comparison to what I could have as a wife or mother. Today I was sleeping on the couch and had this really weird dream, in which my dad said that I would "Raise a child". He really seemed to be sincere and I want to believe it but I can't totally allow myself to ( during this dream my dad also told Shelli that she was going to become a soda addict, so I do have quite a bit of doubt to the dream's validity). I wish I knew for sure if anyone even considered me to be dating material. Knowing me however I would probably be the only girl in the history of the universe to go to BYU and not come away with my M.R.M. (Mrs. Returned Missionary) Degree. It's partially for that reason that I'm not really considering going to BYU. *sighs*

That's pretty much all I wrote before I decided that if I continued much longer I'd be verging on suicidal.


I hate myself.

Not three wishes, but three questions.

Yoinked from someone's journal. It looks entertaining.

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.

Ask me anything you want. Really. I'll answer anything.

Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

*note* If I don't get many questions from different people I may answer more than 3*

Gullible is writen on the ceiling!!!!!!!!

I'm beginning to think my family is inherently evil.
Yesterday during dinner, Joseph, my 6 year old brother asked me if my dad had ever used his gun at any time besides during his Army/Air force training. I was slightly taken aback by this sudden question and replied that yes he had used it several times. Joseph, obviously very interested in the subject, asked what those times were. Shelli, with a deathly serious look on her face, then pipes up and says "Well Joseph, you never knew this but, we used to have another brother named Bob..." (At this point it was all I could do to keep from laughing) "And you see, well, one day Bob was really bad and dad took his gun and shot him."
Joseph looks up at Shelli with an awed look on his face. "Where did you bury him?" he asked.
"We never knew." I answered with a saddened look on my face. "We just woke up one morning and he was gone. Dad buried him while we were all asleep."
"So you don't know where he is?" Joseph asked with a shocked look on his face.
"Nope." I said
How old was he? Joseph asked. "Was he 6 like me?"
"Yeah he was. He even acted a lot like you."
"What did he do that was so bad?" Joseph asked.
That's just the thing! He didn't really do anything that bad. He was about as bad as you are but Dad just blew up."
(At this point Joseph just stared at Shelli and I awed at what he was hearing and Shelli and I were doing everything in our power not to burst out laughing at the look on his face.)
"Ani and I are the only ones who even remember him." Shelli said in an attempt to solidify our claim incase Joseph happened to go ask some of the other kids about it later.
"Yeah" I said. "But don't mention it to Dad, he gets really touchy whenever someone mentions Bob to him. Who knows he might get so upset that he might shoot you too!"
"He might?" Joseph asked startled.
"He just might, it's why you haven't heard about Bob before." I said. "Mom also gets upset when we talk about it so don't mention it to her, and the other kids don't know about it either but we feel we can trust you to not mention it to mom and dad, so don't mention it to them either."
"Ok."Joseph replied timidly.

This continued on for awhile while Shelli and I continued to elaborate on the story and Joseph asked some more questions ("Does dad get upset when we watch Vegitales and bob the tomato comes on? Is that why dad doesn't like us singing Vegitales songs?" and so forth). Finally Shelli and I ended the conversation and finished eating.

About a half an hour later my dad came home and Shelli and I ran outside to tell him about our "little joke" before Joseph could mention it to him (thereby getting us into trouble). My Dad, upon hearing of Josephs gullibility, laughed along with us and didn't mention our "little joke" to Joseph and tell him of the falsehood of it.

Now Joseph is at times gullible but is really a smart kid and felt he needed confirmation from dad before he could fully believe it, so today after dinner was over and my dad was done eating and was sitting at his computer, Joseph seized the moment and sat down by my dad.
"Dad?" He asked. "Yesterday Shelli and Ani were telling me that we had a brother named Bob and you shot him-
"Joseph I don't want you talking about it." My dad interrupted. "That's not something you should be talking about. It's a very delicate subject matter and you shouldn't be mentioning it."
(At this point I was almost paralyzed with suppressed laughter at the shocked look on Joseph's face)
"And you!" My dad said, turning to me with a harsh look on his face. "You shouldn't be mentioning it to anyone either, is that understood?"
"Yes." I replied meekly still restraining my laughter.
"Good." said my dad and turned back to Joseph. "Now go do your dishes." he said to him

As soon as Joseph was out of hearing both my dad and I burst out laughing. "Poor little guy!" I laughed. Now he really thinks it's true. He's going to be emotionally scarred for the rest of his life!" To this statement my dad only grinned and I returned, still laughing, to my computer and started typing this. I have no idea if Joseph will ever learn the truth about Bob.

Wheeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Actual Journal time!

Hmm ^^;

Well it's been a while since I updated
...
Ok, now that the intro's over with,

Spring break was Awesome ^^; (and I know I'm a little late, I was just getting over the hangover ~_^)

Wednesday:
School: Drama-Got our scene pretty much finalized (we just need to memorize it now) and goofed off for most of the class instead of practicing for state like I should have been *slapslap*
Art- I hate drawing chairs, stools, or anything like unto whicker baskets. Unfortunately we were supposed to be drawing a stack of stools, and as if that wasn't bad enough The student teacher made us draw the negative space (as in not the stools but the blank space in between them) which made for an interesting composition. I did however make several good comebacks and "Ooh! Burn!" insults with the guys sitting next to me, to which they responded with several of their own, as well as having Sam (one of the guys sitting next to me) discover that I do indeed have a Mary Poppins style genuinely bottomless backpack. The contents included a Rubix cube, a couple of bouncy balls, a few miniature toy thingies that you have to put together, a tape player, earphones (the original item that Sam asked me if I had) numerous sets of cards, random food items, and, to top it all off, a 2 liter bottle of Black Cherry Shasta soda ^^; good stuff
Debate- Party!!(and the reason why I had the soda in my backpack) After spending most of it playing Catch Phrase and other such games while devouring tons of junkfood, Mrs. Bevan asked me to go down to the copy center to pick up the flyers for the midnight movie. After going down, getting the copies and cutting them I started on my crusade and handed them out to every person I passed during lunch.
Lunch- Handed out lots of flyers in the lunchroom, only to come back in about 5 minutes to find that most of the people I had handed them to had simply left them on the tables and left. Undaunted, I went around, picked up all the flyers I could and proceeded to re-hand them out. (Some call me devoted, some call me optimistic, some just call me insane.) In doing so I also missed lunch but due to our debate party I wasn't very in the mood for food at the time.
American Studies- Took a test that I wasn't prepared for and corrected it, then Mr. Birrell Stuffed us all in a closet to watch a couple of movies on the Holocaust. By the time we finished the "closet" (which was actually the small hallway off of Birrell's room) was hot (about 10-20 degrees hotter than Mr. Birrell's room) and smelled pretty similar to the Holocaust. Mr. Birrell eventually did let us go free but it was a rather interesting experience.

After school was over I went home and played on the computer while reveling in the fact that I had a good long weekend ahead of me. Marianne called later and decided to come over a little early (she, Shelli and I were planning on going to the midnight movie that night), we then left my house and went to a few different stores trying to find one that was open at 11:30 at night so we'd have food for the movies. Our search was to no avail however and we ended up buying the expensive theater popcorn and drinks.*muttermutter* We(Shelli and I) did however have a very good time watching The Prince & Me which has got to be one of the biggest chick flicks of all time(not to mention the one with the most grammatically incorrect title) but fortunately it was a very well made chick flick. Almost needless to say Marianne did not come and see the chick flick with us *sticks tongue out at Marianne* but she did stay and wait for us after her movie finished and graciously gave us a ride back home. After that it's all kinda fuzzy as I was asleep on my feet.

Thursday: The beginning of spring break
Woke up at about 2:30 in the afternoon much to my surprise (My family doesn't let me sleep in that long. Ever. Finally got out of bed and immediately got on the computer and turned on my MSN. While on MSN I talked to a few people and Shambray asked to come over. So of course I was willing and my parents allowed it! *beams* We spent the day wandering around my house playing with my pony (little brat) and I tried on my huge collection of costumes for Shambray (she seemed kinda shocked as I pulled them out of my closet ^^;)and my 4 year old little sister Miri who came down to bring Shambray flowers from the backyard, which, to our surprise, smelled like fish (and no I am not kidding, Shambray can testify). We later called Shambray's mom to see if she could sleep over and once again the answer was yes (by this time it was about 11:00). Shambray, my sister Shelli and I then drove over to Shambray's house, got her stuff, then stopped by smiths on the way home to pick up stuff for Shelli's B-day party the next day. After getting home we filled Easter eggs with candy (although about half of the candy never made it into the eggs^^; yum), spent a while trying to fix my Rubix cube (that Marianne messed up XP ), and talked until about 5:30 in the morning.

Friday: Shelli's Birthday party!
Woke up, got food. Shelli and I then spent a while calling people reminding them about my sister's party (including many people who said they'd come but later didn't *CoughAdamCough*. We tried calling Addison only to find that he was sick in bed, so rather than sit around and do nothing we decided to go visit him while we were out getting last minuet groceries and dropping Shambray off at home, which became an interesting experience as Shambray had a car with her, so we decided to drive to Kholers (Shambray in her car and Shelli and I in the one I use), go to Dollar store for a card and anything else we found interesting, dropped it of at Addison's house, went back to Kholers and Shambray went home to get some sleep before the party while Shelli and I got more food for the party and then drove off to the thanksgiving point theater because I had left my wallet there after the midnight movie. After waiting in the theater for about an hour for the employees to actually give me back my wallet (during which time I waited in three lines to talk to them and at every turn was sent somewhere else, often to the exact people I had been sent to before) I finally managed to talk to the manager and get my much needed wallet back. I then went home, played the computer for a while and cleaned the house while simultaneously making food and calling people (go me). People then got there and we spent a while outside on the tramp waiting for people until we finally went inside for food. Soon thereafter the games begun, which consisted of Apples to Apples (a word game) and several interesting card games. We then went downstairs and played Murder in the dark while my siblings were upstairs hiding the Easter eggs for our egg hunt. Unsurprisingly the eggs were found rather quickly, and the candy inside was quickly consumed (at least on my part). Then people started leaving (as it was about 11:00) and Shambray and I decided to go drop off the remaining people (except for Marianne and Alyssa who were sleeping over) so that Shambray could talk to Addison. Marianne Shelli and Alyssa decided that they wanted to come so they followed us and thus a mad car chase came about. With shambray and I trying to get away and Marianne in no way willing to loose us, we spent about a half an hour speeding around the streets of Alpine in the middle of the night. Finally Shambray admitted defeat and she and I managed to convince Marianne to give up pursuit. After the coercion was over Shambray and I went over to Addison's house and talked to him till about 12:30 in the morning. Shambray then dropped me off at home and I got scolded by my dad (it wasn't a very bad scolding but it was a scolding nonetheless) and went down to my room and stayed up until about 3:30 talking to Alyssa.

Saturday: Easter egg hunt!
Much to my annoyance I was woken up at about 8:30 by my siblings who insisted that we were all going to and Easter egg hunt at Thanksgiving Point (that I was too old to participate in) So Shelli and I donned our matching "family outing" sweatshirts that my mom made specifically for the purpose of keeping us together and recognizable when we go out as a family, and all of us, including Marianne and Alyssa (who were about as "happy" with being woken up as we were) and piled into our van. We got there only to find that the line was about a mile long. Once we finally got in (after waiting about an hour in the cold wind and morning air) Marianne, Alyssa, Shelli and I went and took a nap on the grass while we waited for the hunt to be over. My poor siblings got trampled by all of the frantic parents shoving Easter eggs into their children's baskets in the frantic rush for eggs that looked a lot like the fiasco with the early registration for the Sophomores-soon to become Juniors (thankfully my parents weren't among them) Mrs. Woolsey described the problem best by stating that most parents in this area (particularly the mothers) are "helicopter parents" meaning that they hover over and save their children from everything. After the hunt we came home had food then Alyssa had to go home so Marianne, Shelli and I went out side and had fun trying to get my pony used to being ridden as she has never been broken in before. She didn't like that much but she is getting much better at behaving (although she did throw me off a couple of times but I keep getting back on her, much to her annoyance). After we got tired of her (and no Aubrey I am not going to send her to the glue factory now since I've ridden her a couple of times, though it is a temptation to do so ~_^) We went inside and generally hung out for the rest of the day until Marianne had to go home.

Sunday; EASTER!
Woke up and went upstairs to my parents room for our holiday lineup (youngest first all the way up to me) and we all trouped down the stairs to find our baskets full of goodies and Easter eggs all over the house. After finding all the eggs (I am a very good finder *beams*) and eating as much candy as we could before breakfast we went to church, came home, had Easter dinner and went to bed.

Monday
Spent the day playing the computer, chatting on MSN and avoiding Homework ^^; that is, until about 11:00 at night when I decided I might want to get it done before I went to school the next morning.

Tuesday: School x_x
School as usual,
Seminary- Good way to start out the day although it was a little slow until we started doing Scripture Mastery Games^^; I still can't wait until Brother Gambrell shows us his Ballroom competition tapes (he used to be a professional dancer and he promised to show us some of his tapes one of theses days) but who knows how long it will be.
Aerobics-My day had been pretty good up to this point. Ordinarily it's an ok class and I do have several friends in there but as we hadn't worked out during spring break we probably should have done something relatively easy right? Wrong. We knew from the instant that we came in the class and there was a T.V. at the front of the room that we were in for nothing but trouble. Our fears were confirmed when Mrs. Hansen announced (with a way too enthusiastic look on her face) that we were indeed doing Tae Bo. I swear the only way I got through it was to aim all of my punches and kicks at the T.V. and imagining them brutally mutilating Bill Blanks' overly hypocritical, "you can do it, just push yourself this one last time", constantly not working both sides of the body equally, way too willing to show of his muscles, "I'm watching you" outlook.
Math- Three words. I hate that class.
Lunch- endured Austin Higgley's asking me about Prom and wether I was going or not and being terrified at the look on his face when I replied that I hadn't been asked yet. *muttermutter* I wish my mom would just let me take my little brother (who's only 8 years old and technically not old enough to date yet but I feel that since he's my brother, it's a minor issue) but for some reason she flat out refused when I asked her about it *pouts* and he was so looking forward to going too *chuckles*
American Studies- More talking about the Holocaust which made me slightly depressed for the rest of the day.
Went home, got on the computer, turned on MSN (anyone starting to see a pattern here?)ect.

Right now I'm dead tired and will finish this entry tomorrow when I'm actually awake enough to remember what's happened the past few days.
Fare thee well.

wow...lost people...lost friends...lost us. Everyone read, there are things you all need to see.

wow. what more can i say...wow. everything has gone haywire...not just with me...but everyone. We have all lost direction. i know i can't say anything to help, to uplift your spirits, to take away this pain. i can't do anything, and i HATE feeling helpless! all of you are amazing! i know you don't believe it, espically coming from me, but i HONESTLY truthfully mean it! and I know you probably don't want to hear anymore words...actions would be nice huh?! and we are all just so freakin lazy that none of us get off our butts and take the effort to do those things...me included!! i'm such a hippocrite!

Lou...you are my hero. I love you. TRUELY!! I don't know what i can say to tell how amazing you are! i can't express it...i just can't...it's too much. you've saved my life more than once, i owe you big...and even if i didn't i would pick you as a friend!!! you are cirtianly not just a tag along...NO WAY!! you are way more than that...and if no one else thinks so, just know that i love you, you are my friend, and i would never concider you just a tag along (plus, i know how you feel, i'm no in highschool either) call me, we NEED to hang out. I mean it! (763-7790...you can write it down for the 6th time in your house!! hehe ^^;)

Aubrey...I love you..and I MEAN IT!!!!! I can't bear to even read about how things are for you. I feel so bad that i can't do anything, i really wish i could. and if there is ANYTHING i can help with, do, say, or whatever, please...no DO...call me, tell me, use some form of communication!! i don't want things to be so bad for you, or anyone. I REALLY WISH that i could take all of your problems away, to make life enjoyable, fun, relaxed, and not so burdened. but i can't do that, i'm no god! but i want to help in anyway! You are such an amazing person. You have taught me so much. and I TRUELY appreciate all you have done for me; for being there, for giving me a shoulder to cry on, for being my friend, for loving me for who i am, for not trying to change me, for caring, for having fun with me, for letting me get to know you, for letting me into your life, and for giving your friendship and suport! you are truely awesome!

Cameron...i miss you. I miss your outgoing personality, your love, your friendship. i want to tell you I love you. you have been so amazing to me. I am so fortunate to have been able to meet and get to know you. You make life seem so easy, i have never seen you loose your cool, or get overwhelmed with anything. I have only ever seen you succeed..and that's awesome. You try soo hard for things, you work so hard, and you have endurance and perserverence. You are such an example in my life. I have been thinking about you lately, and all of the things we've done..like the ice cream contests and such. I miss it all. You...you...are such a comfort to have in my life, to know i have a friend like you just makes my day! And even though we never talk, just know i love and think about you...and hope our friendship lasts through time!!!!!!

Jenni...You are truely an inspiration. you have helped me so much, and have taught me not to be so afraid. you have let me be myself and still be loved. i love you! i can't tell you how amazed i am at you...and how jealous i've been at times...but i know i shouldn't. i know that you are amazing, and that you have friends, but i realize, so do i. I have all these amazing friends and don't know how or why i deserve such people in my life, but i'm soo glad you are apart of it! i don't know how i would have gotten through some things with out you or your family. you are amazing!

Mike...gus gus...you are soo cool!! I love coming to your house every week and seeing you, then having the most random conversations, and leaving with a smile on my face! you really let me be myself, and i appreciate that soo much. You are honestly like my older brother, and i've always wanted that! i know i can trust you, and i love you! i have been given permission by my parents (all 3) that i could marry you!! hehe...and i love it! i want to thank you for all you've done for me and my life! You are so amazing! don't ever change!

Ani...our early morning chats, sob sessions, and laughs. it's all amazing. you are such a person. i can't tell you how much you mean to me, and how much you have really truely helped me. eventhough we only had about 3 1/2 hours of sleep, it was all worth it. You have taught me soo much and really have helped me grow. I love you and couldn't have made it through parts of life with out you. keep up what you are doing, and know i will always be here for you!!!!!!! i'm always your friend, you can come run away to my house anytime!! *_- hehe! I love you!

Everyone else...(I dont mean not to give you a personal message, it's just that i don't have very much time left) I love you all!! I dont know if i would be living with out you. You have all taught me sooo much. you have shown me more love and friendship than i deserve, or could ever have hoped for. You are all soo amazing, and i look up to each and every one of you!

I could go on talking about myself and my stupid problems. but i don't want to. I don't want life to be so down...why can't we all just be happy...haha yeah right!
it's not for me to decide! I think about everyone all of the time and what we used to have...i just want to think it's been put on pause until everyone is back together, but then i realized that it will never be the same! but there is nothing i can do and i hate it! I want to do something, but i'm either incapable, or too lazy. And I want to change that, but i don't know how! and that bugs me...arg..
*confused, angry, sad, depressed, determined, hopeless, and wanting something you can't have kind of look*

I am going to try harder to be better. I'm going to not be so lazy. I'm going to call all of you. I'm going to plan a get together, and everyone must come. I'm going to change the world!! *almost evil but sincere laugh*
I can't do everything, and i know it. No one person can...but i will try. I will TRY!!

*starts to cry*

-Mole

...

This is a few bits and pieces of a rant that's been going on in my head for the past several weeks so you'll have to forgive me if it's a little weird and doesn't make the slightest bit of sense.

I really haven't been feeling well for the past couple of weeks. I've been spending so much time and energy on my homework and after school activities that it's been draining me of all the energy and life I have left. It's a constant struggle for me to resist the urge to throw up my hands and say I can't do it anymore. I don't want to quit, it's not like me to give up on anything when I've set my mind to it. There are a few things however that I'm having trouble holding onto. I feel like I'm drifting apart from every single person I've ever had the privilege to call my friend and I'm powerless to stop it. Every time I'm near any of them I get the immpresion that I'm just another accessory, that I used to be fun but now, like a childhood toy, everyone's too old and mature to busy themselves with the likes of me. I'm not a child, I have responsibilitys that a lot of parents don't have and I deal with them. Who knows, my childlike attitude may just be my way of coping.
*sighs* I hate pity in every form, self inflicted or otherwise and I hate what it does to people. I realize that all I'm doing right now is having a big pity party and that tomorrow I will probably be completely fine and will probably scold myself for being such a baby, but it still doesn't change how I feel now.
I've never seriously considered suicide or self mutilation as a way of ridding myself of my problems and never will. Maybe I'm just too selfish or self serving and just can't see what's in it for me, maybe I'm scared of taking that much control of my life, but it will never happen. Yet even with that knowledge I still wonder what would happen if I did. Would anyone even notice, or more realistically, would anyone, after coming to my funeral, comforting my family and having their fill of potluck, even think about me after that? If I were to get in a car accident would anyone come visit me in the hospital, hoping I might wake up? How long would it be before only my family comes? How long before my parents finally decide to "pull the plug" as I'll never wake up?

This is never going to come to anything, I'll be fine tomorrow, and as no one is even going to read this I'm ending it before the gaping whole in my chest is big enough to drive a car through.

So, this is me

I thought I'd start out my Journal with a little quiz that was sent to me via e-mail.

************* YOU ***************

1. What is your full name? Anna Lei McPherson (My friends call me Ani)
2. Birthday : Oct 23
3. Age: 16
4. Gender: Female
5. Social security: I feel like I'm being interrogated
6. Where do you live? Utah
7. What school do you attend? Lone Peak High
8. Siblings ? 9, Me, Shelli, Kaiti, Kyli, Daniel, Joseph, Samuel, Miri and Thomas.
9. Pets: 1 Dog, 3 Cats, 2 Birds, and the 9 Sheep that are on my desktop http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Way/9096/index2.htm
10. Zodiac Sign: Scorpio or Libra (my birthday borders both of them)
11. Righty or Lefty: Righty

*********YOUR LOOKS*********

12. Hair color: Blonde
13. Eye color: Green-hazel (they change depending on what I'm wearing or what mood I'm in)
14. height: 5,4
15. Do u wear contacts or glasses? Contacts
16. Do you have any piercing? In my ears
17. Where do you want more if you do? Don't want any more
18. Do you have a tattoo? Only the pen kind (I have a habit of drawing on my hands and arms)
19. If so what and where? *looks up* whatever I feel like drawing although it's most often eyes
20. Do you wear any rings? My CTR ring and my Sweet 16 ring
21. Do you have a certain fashion you follow? It's not the usual one I can tell you that

**********JUST LATELY***************

23. How are you today? Amused by my sheep
24. What pants are you wearing right now? Swishy Navy blue ones
25. What shirt are you wearing right now? My American Studies sweatshirt
26. What shoes are you wearing right now? I don't wear shoes when I'm at my computer
27. What does your hair look like at the moment? It's fwoofie
28. What song are u listening to right now? The little songs on my siblings computer games
30. How is the weather right now? It's nice... but kinda dark
31. Last person you talked to on the phone? My dad asking him to get me food
32. Last Dream you can remember? I rarely remember my dreams
33. Who are you talking to right now? My sister Shelli who's asking my advice on a paper she's writing
34. What time is it? 7:00

*********More about YOU!**************

35. What are the last four digits of your phone number? Ok, now I feel like I'm being stalked
36. If u were a crayon, what color would you be? I'd be one of those multi-color ones that change color as you draw with it
37. Have you ever almost died? only when I saw how long this quiz was
38. Do u like the person that sent u this? Of course
39. How do u eat an Oreo? There's a method to it?!?! I'm doomed!
40. Who's your best friend? I think the term "best" friend is degrading. I have lots of friends and wouldn't want to sell myself short of their friendships by favoring one over the other
41. What's the next CD you are going to buy? A blank one so I can make my own CD
42. What's the best advice ever given to you? Never eat anything Lou wouldn't eat (and even then use caution)
43. Have u ever won any special award? I won the Best Ani award ^^;
44. Worst sickness u ever had? The 24 hour flu at Disneyland over Christmas break. My whole family caught it and we spent half our vacation heaving all over Disneyland (we went home early)
45. What's the stupidest thing you've ever done? Broke a promise to one of my friends
46. If u could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why? If I could stop procrastinating
47. Where do you shop the most? Wal-mart, DI and Kholers
48. How many kids do you want to have? If I decide that now I know I'm not going to have that amount
49. Sons name? Tobias, Caden
50. Daughter's name? Tiana, Calista (what can I say, I like original names)
51. Do you do drugs? ... only when I'm sick O_o
52. Do you drink? I love liquid
53. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use? A generic Costco brand ^^;
54. What sport do you hate the most? basketball
55. What are you most scared of? Misunderstandings
56. How many TV's do you have in your house? 3
57. Do you have your own? *sniffles* nope
58. Do you have your own phone line? *sighs* once again no
59. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Well my cat sleeps with me once in a while...
60. Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone? Nope, I have my mom's bones of steel
61. Who do you dream about? My friends, my family, random dream people
62. Who do you tell your dreams to? Anyone who will listen when I actually have one to tell
63. Who's the loudest friend you have? ...All of them
64. Who's the quietest friend? I don't think my friends count as quiet
65. Is cheerleading a sport? Only if smiling and acting like a snob is a sport
66. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 2-5 usually I lick it, then take a bite, lick it, then take a bite, etc. It doesn't last very long that way
67. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Chicken

************YOU and LOVE**************

68. Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? Lots of them, but none that I'm "going out" with
69. Do you have a crush? Not at this moment
70. Who is your crush? *looks up*
71. Did you send this to your crush?*looks up and wonders when this string of questions is going to end*
72. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Somewhere I've never been.
73. Have you already planned out your wedding? No and I laugh at some of my friends who have everything about their wedding planned except for the groom
74. Do you find yourself attractive? ... is this a trick question
75. Do you find yourself ugly? ... *looks up*
76. Do others find you attractive? No clue

**************ON GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT (for girls only)*********
*as a side note I'm only filling this part out as I was ordered too*
77. Boxers or briefs?... moving on
78. Curly or straight hair? Straight
79. Tall or short? medium
80. Six pack or muscular arms? You mean I can't have both?
81. Good or bad guys? Good guys
82. Hat or no hat? If it's a cool hat then yes
83. tan or no tan? Tans are bad for your skin
84. Dimples or not? Depends on the guy
85. Stubble or neatly shaven? neatly shaven
86. What sport should he play? He should be in drama
87. Sandals or shoes? shoes
88. Dark or light hair? Again, depends on the guy
89. Dark, light, or crazy cool eyes? Cool eyes
90. Accent or no accent: Accent all the way!
91. Glasses: Sun glasses ^^;
92. Shy or outgoing: outgoing
93. Funny or always cool: Funny
*94-108 deleted as I am not male and did not want to answer the other questions*

***********Pick One: THIS OR THAT**********

109. Lights on/off? On, it's much harder to read people's minds when I can't see them
110. sun or rain? Rain (you just can't beat that rainy smell)
111. Mickey D's (McDonalds) or BK (Burger King)? Burger King (I don't trust McDonalds)
112. Do u like scary or happy movies better? Happy ^^; A good scare is always fun but give me a comedy any day
113. Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? *pictured herself screaming like a fangirl and shudders* neither
114. On the phone or in person? In person, emotions are easier to read that way
115. Paper or plastic? Hm... What would Bush choose?
116. Sausage or pepperoni? Both ^^;
117. Summer or winter? Winter, you can always put more clothing on
118. Hershey's Hugs or kisses? Hugs Pure chocolate goodness in two delicious flavors ^^;
119. Chocolate or white milk? White
120. Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? Root beer
121. Glass half full or half empty? Depends on if I've just poured stuff into the glass or poured stuff out of it
122. Tape or DVD? DVD all the way
123. Cats or Dog? Just one dog?
124. Mud or Jell-O wrestling? They have Jell-O wrestling?!?! SW33T!
125. Vanilla or Chocolate? Vanilla for ice cream, otherwise Milk chocolate is the only way to go 126. Skiing or Boarding: As I've never done either of them...
127. Day or night: Night
128. Cake or pie? Cake
129. Sunset or sunrise: Sunset

****************Your FADS****************

130. Color: Blue
131. food: Just about anything edible (I'll try anything once)
132. Fast Food? Arbys
133. Candy? Chewie spree
134 .Beverage? Shirley Temple (strawberry sprite)
135. Ice Cream Flavor? Vanilla with chocolate and caramel
136. Sport? Volleyball or soccer
137. Animal? African wild dog (my furry persona)
138. number? 5
139. Radio Station? Anything that's on when I get into the car
140. Band? If they play swing, I'm a fan
141. Fav. Actor or Actress? *Bows* me and my friends
142. Fav. day of the year? Christmas
143. Fav. month? August
144. Tv show? Who's line is it anyways
145. Store? DI and Wal-mart
146. Scent? Vanilla
147. Teacher? I like most of my teachers although there are those few... *CoughTeusherCough*
148. Board Game? Catch phrase, Imagine if
149. Saying?

**************HAVE you EVER**************

150. Drank? Yes I'm very fond of water myself ^^;
151. Ever gotten dumped? In order to be dumped you have to be "picked up"
152. Broke the law? *glances around sheepishly* ... No...
153. Ran from the cops? *looks up*
154. Stole something? Well not necessarily stole, things tend to migrate to my room over time (particularly anything shiney)
155. Run away? Yup, but then I got bored as no one was out looking for me
156. Eaten a bug? Not on purpose
157. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? That sort of thing doesn't work well on my parents (although I have tried it before and almost succeeded)


******One a Final Note***********

158. Do you like filling these out? Yup, I like reading them too
159. How many people are you sending this to? I'm posting it instead of sending it so people can read it of their own free will (BTW if anyone wants the original copy with the blank questions I'd be happy to oblige)
160. Do u want your friends to write back? It might be kind of hard for them to do so but sure
161. who is least likely to respond? Anyone who doesn't read it ^^;
162. Who is most likely to respond? Depends on who's the most bored
163. What is the first thing that comes to mind? This is a freaking long quiz
164. What time is it now? 8:40


Well, thats me, and if you lived through that and read it all you have amazing will power. Go you!!

fAng: Strep throat, headache, nausea, homework, can it get much worse?

Well today was rather interesting. I finished taking the stupid testing, called my mom and had her check me out of school on account of be being sick for the past three days, went home, went to the doctor, ran out of gas on the way so we were late for my appointment, rescheduled the appointment, went back home, took a nap for a few hours, went to my appointment, was told I have a definite case of strep throat, left the doctor's office, had to take a detour on the way home, stopped a Kholers and got my medication and about 10 cans of soup, (I was getting tired of tomato as it was the only kind we had) and then went home and cleaned, made dinner, and cleaned some more. That pretty much means that I will not be able to go to school tomorrow and I would advise any of you that I've so much as touched in the past 3 days to take lots of vitamins and hope I didn't get any of you sick as well (sorry for the late warning glitch).

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go drink my vitamin C, eat my soup, and try not to choke on my 50 pills I now have to take

fAng

Revised play stuff= The better version :)

CLAY

How about dinner?


FIONNA

I'd have to decline.


CLAY

Oh, old fashioned, are we? What if I. . .formally invited you? Asked the permission of your father?


FIONNA

Still would have to decline.


CLAY

Ah, clever you are.


FIONNA

Well, I'm wise onto your ways, if nothing else.


CLAY

Is there anything else you are wise onto, Miss (Fionna's Long Lost Last Name)?


FIONNA

(sigh) I'm afraid not, for the time being.


CLAY

Oh? Has the plot thickened?


FIONNA

If you're referring to my investigations, then I am afraid that it's strictly business.


CLAY

Wasn't that what you were referring to?


FIONNA

It's strictly my business.


CLAY

Ah. . .


FIONNA

Rules of the game, you see. . .you of all people would understand that.


CLAY

Would I?


FIONNA

Well, yes. Unless you're not the business man you claim to be. . .in which case, you are a more clever man than I first surmised. . .(trail off)


CLAY

Why thank you, Miss Fionna.


FIONNA

(continue last sentance) and a liar to boot.


CLAY

Oh? (pressing for a subtle subject change) And where do liars go?


FIONNA

Ritzy motels in the dowtown generic megalopolis.


CLAY

And how about their eternal condition?


FIONNA

Far be it from me to say. That's purely for God to decide.


CLAY

So. If I lied. . .?


FIONNA

Better say your prayers?


CLAY

(off handedly) I suppose I should.


FIONNA

Sorry?


CLAY

Oh, nothing. I said I suppose they should.


FIONNA

Oh, of course. (pause) Well, on that note. . .I suppose I should be going.


CLAY

So soon? I thought we were really bonding here.


FIONNA

(laugh) I have to get to work. Not all of us are on self-proclaimed holiday, you know.


CLAY

How about I buy you coffee and a bagel and we just sit and talk for five minutes.


FIONNA

Ah, and there is the difference between us.


CLAY

Oh?

FIONNA

I’m afraid I have far too many important things to do to take a nice long breakfast.

CLAY

Well, industry is attractive in most Women.


FIONNA

(smile) Take it as you will. Good day, Clay. (begins to exit)


CLAY

Officer (name)!


FIONNA

(pause) Yes?


CLAY

Dinner?


FIONNA

I think not.


CLAY

Well, atleast you didn't say no. . .


FIONNA

Oh, I did. (laugh) I just said no elaborately, so I could avoid saying no. (pause) Call it a personal vice. . .I hate saying flat out no to people without a good reason. It's such a negative word.


CLAY

How about the day after?


FIONNA

For?


CLAY

Dinner, of course.


FIONNA

Seems as though it's full.


CLAY

The day after that?


FIONNA

Booked.


CLAY

Next week?


FIONNA

Packed.


CLAY

Any day you're not busy?


FIONNA

Hm. Seems not.


CLAY

Clever girl. . .


FIONNA

Only as clever as I have to be.


CLAY

Maybe. But I'll break your little stubborn streak someday, Miss Fionna. You just wait and see.


FIONNA

(laugh) I'll try my best. Until then! 'Ta! (exits)


CLAY

(wave goodbye) (to self) And once it's broken. . .you're mine, doll.

(conversation with fruit merchant?)